Who let the dogs out? And who decided to serve them as "chicken teriyaki?" The answer is Sam's Sushi.

Following the suggestion of well respected bon vivant, let's call her "Sassidy Scandolous," it was with great anticipation that I made my first and surely only trip to Sam's Sushi. Flanked by Sassidy as well seven other hungry guests our anticipation quickly turned to dissapointment as we came face to snout with the aforementioned dog meat "chicken teriyaki."

Gadzooks! For $8.25 plus tax, the highest price we've ever encountered for chicken teriyaki, you'd think greesy, fatty, chewey dark meat "chicken" is the last thing you'd see on your plate at Sam's. Not so.

Quite simply, Sam's "chicken" is terrible. If the "Sam" of Sam's Sushi is dead he's surely rolling in his grave knowing the poor "chicken" his namesake serves. If he isn't dead then I hereby sentence that MF-er Bobo sunuvabitch to one year of hard time having Sam's shitty "chicken teriyaki" shoved down his gullet three meals a day. Only then will he learn that serving schnauser and calling it chicken belongs in the backwoods not my beloved Seattle, the Mecca of chicken teriyaki.

Ahem.

Now in the spirit of fair and unbiased journalism, I should probably tell you that Sam's introductory miso soup is fine, that their lacklustre iceberg salad uses Russian dressing instead of the usual honey mustard or watered down ranch, that their rice is decent and that their teriyaki sauce, which is glopped all over the place doesn't cover for the fallacious "chicken" masquerade. But really, with "chicken" this disgraceful who cares? Instead, I will simply bring this article full circle...

Miss Sassidy, I love your taste in many things but from here on out you're on teriyaki probation.

And Sam, pass off your golden retriever on somebody else. We're not biting.