21
(2008) 2 / 4 (2008_07.21) - "...professional
flash, absurd suspense, and a barrel of half-hearted twists
to wrap the whole thing up."
300
(2007) 3 / 4 (2007_03.10) -
"300 is a movie caught between overplayed
seriousness, unintentional comedy, and homoerotic machismo."
1408
(2007) 1.5 / 4 (2007_11.23) -
"...this is by-the-numbers poltergeist schlock and
an abridged version of King’s The Shining."
A
Bronx Tale (1993) 4 / 4 (2005_05.13)
- "...A Bronx Tale captures
a nostalgic flare giving it a deeply personal touch that
enhances every aspect of its story."
Across
the Universe (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_10.01)
- "...a film that at times feels
like the best movie of the year and at others, a hokey misstep."
A
Dirty Shame (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.29)
- "...as fresh and honest as a seven year olds’
first time playing doctor, even if it is just as contrived."
The
Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990) 2 / 4 (2008_04.27)
- "...it
was quite an event for a prepubescent desperate for movies
where girls lose their tops and four-letter words rule the
day to attend such a premiere."
American
History X (1998) 1.5 / 4 (2004_02.26)
- "Why present only the best aspects of the point your
movie is struggling against without a fair and thoughtful
rebuttal?"
American
Psycho (2000) 2 / 4 (2006_12.28)
- "This is the kind of over-the-top machismo that doesn’t
blush at lewd threesomes where a man demands women eat each
other’s assholes while he poses his toned and tanned
body in the wall length mirror."
Andy
Kaufman's Midnight Special (1981) 4 / 4 (2004_10.08)
- "...I felt touched in a way I rarely do when I laugh
as an adult."
A
Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
2 / 4 (2008_10.07) - "Bumbling,
bratty, and wholly blistered with benign buffoonery, if
you’re a bad movie connoisseur you’ll definitely
appreciate its barrage of unintentional laughs and homoerotic
undertones."
The
Aristocrats (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.26)
- "Unquestionably, Bob Saget alone
is worth the price of admission."
Auto
Focus (2002) 2 / 4 (2007_05.07)
- "Devoid of moralizing or making any particular point,
the movie just kind of “is” in a way that we
never feel anything."
Back
to the Future Part II (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.19)
- "...as far as enhancing the movie that inspired it
by pouring on the gusto and insanity Back to the Future
Part II is excellent viewing, indeed."
Batman
Begins (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2008_08.27)
- "...Nolan’s
inability to capture either my fantastic imagination of
Batman and his world or my acceptance of a real world crime
fighter by constantly explaining everything is
the movie’s biggest shortcoming."
Batman
Returns (1992) 2 / 4 (2008_04.20)
- "...because Burton does whatever he thinks looks
good at the moment we’re stuck with a film whose
tone is a mish-mash of inconsistencies."
Beerfest
(2006) 1 / 4 (2007_09.07) - "Beerfest
tries hard but inevitably falls short as raunchy guffaw
fest entertainment."
Big
Fish (2003) 3.5 / 4 (2004_01.17)
- "Big Fish is that rare movie that manages
to both dazzle and tug at the heartstrings."
Big
Trouble in Little China (1986) 3 / 4 (2008_07.28)
- "...who
hasn’t dreamed that beneath the façade of San
Francisco’s Chinatown lies a sinister world of rival
gangs, magic wielding flying samurai, endless tunnels, lairs,
and underground hide outs, and a 1,000 year old mystic named
Lo-Pan who is hot and bothered to find a young hottie with
green eyes?"
Blades
of Glory (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_09.01)
- "Like death and taxes, it seems, lousy SNL movies
will forever remain a fact of life eating our minds and
corrupting our souls."
Bloodsport
(1988) 3 / 4 (2007_09.19) - "...Bloodsport,
a movie so bad it’s terrific, or at the very least,
terrifically entertaining."
Borat
(2006) 4 / 4 (2006_12.10) - "...aren’t
the best jokes often those that begin hilariously posturing
over our favorite stereotypes until the foundation crumbles
as the ones closest to home are finally unveiled? That is
Borat in a nutshell."
The
Book of Life (2006) 1 / 4 (2004_07.25)
- "Somewhat intriguing premise,
crummy execution."
Brokeback
Mountain (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_01.02)
- "Brokeback Mountain is about feelings that
get us when we least expect them and then linger in our
minds and in our hearts forever."
The
Brother from Another Planet (1984) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.18)
2007 - "Part science-fiction bizarre, part social commentary,
and all low-budget ‘80s chutzpa, The Brother
is some funky weird entertaining shit that earns its place
as indie royalty."
Caddyshack
(1980) 3.5 / 4 (2008_02.28) -
"The untethered masters each add a distinct handprint
to the proceedings yet Ramis is the one who takes it one
step further with his uncompromising, out there self-indulgences."
Carnival
of Souls (1962) 3 / 4 (2008_02.01)
- "Carnival of Souls and I have flirted endlessly,
but in the end, we’re better off as friends."
Carrie
(1976) 4 / 4 (2007_10.14) - "Now
that’s angst of a different color!"
Casino
Royale (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_05.19)
- "The great minds of Britain and The United States
have finally concocted a plan to thwart terrorism once and
for all: crash a high stakes poker game in Montenegro!"
Children
of Men (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.27)
- "Children of Men is an imaginatively ambitious,
well-crafted dystopia even as it remorselessly leaves us
hanging throughout, frustrated and angry yet undeniably
pensive.”
Child's
Play (1988) 3 / 4 (2007_10.15)
- "...a very pleasing film that
has earned its place as a horror classic."
The
Chronicles of Narnia (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.08)
- "...Narnia has its charms and fills a unique
void as a children’s story with a positive message."
Closer
(2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.30) - "...the
film has a despicably shameful outlook on human nature."
Cloverfield
(2008) 3 / 4 (2008_01.19) - "The
Blair Witch Project may have kick started the self-broadcast
everyman as documentarian phenomenon (or “making something
out of nothing,” as I like to call it), and MySpace
and Facebook may have brought that revolution to
the masses, but Cloverfield gives the idea a 30
million dollar budget, oodles of superstar special effects
flourishes, and slams it face first into the big screen,
kicking ass, taking names, and blowing ear drums in the
process."
Cool
As Ice (1991) 1 / 4 (2007_12.09)
- "Cool As Ice stinks and if you never see
it for yourself you’ll surely be better off."
The
Dark Knight (2008) 4 / 4 (2008_07.30)
- "The
Dark Knight unquestionably brings a new level of excitement
and respectability to the superhero genre that was never
present before."
The
Da Vinci Code (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.18)
- "Howard is skillful in taking a ludicrous premise
and making it entertaining."
Deck
the Halls (2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.19)
- "The snow is obviously fake, the story as basic and
cliché as one expects, and the conclusion ridiculous
camp, but for some strange miraculous reason Deck the
Halls defies the odds as fun, albeit absurd entertainment."
Deuce
Bigelow-European Gigolo (2005) 0 / 4 (2006_06.04)
- "...there is no plot, no laughs to be had, and absolutely
no reason this movie should have ever been made."
Eragon
(2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_11.13) -
"It's
a bird, it's a plane, it's a ventriloquist blue dragon that
sounds like Rachel Weisz!"
Escape
From New York (1981) 3 / 4 (2008_07.15)
- "...an
entertaining B-Movie whose heart is bigger than its muscle,
its aspirations grander than its abilities, and its ego
a fragile shell feigning confidence despite everything life’s
cinematic lessons have advised."
Fahrenheit
9/11 (2004) 3.5 / 4 (2004_07.13)
- "As a cinematic event and informative bit of filmmaking,
Fahrenheit is a must-see for all Americans."
Female
Trouble (1975) 2 / 4 (2005_01.08)
- "...Female
Trouble is Waters’ coup de gras of filth without limits."
Fido
(2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.29) -
"The big problem with the film is that zombie movies
need to be over-the-top, especially comedies, and Fido
never quite loosens its collar."
Flash
Gordon (1980) 3 / 4 (2008_06.28)
- "Like
a pig in shit, Flash Gordon embraces its absurdity,
pours on the decadence like few others, and never gives
a damn what any critic might write."
Footloose
(1984) 2 / 4 (2007_06.02) -
"...Dirty Dancing this ain't."
Glen
or Glenda (1953) 2 / 4 (2004_10.24)
- "Only
Wood could be so bold, so brazen, and so oblivious to turn
the fascinating story of the world’s first sex change
patient, Christine Jorgenson, into his own personal ode
to cashmere sweaters and his love for wearing women’s
undergarments."
The
Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) 4 / 4 (2007_12.08)
- "...The Gods Must Be Crazy is a special
film and a prime example of a situation where all the right
elements collide at precisely the right time and place...
"
Gremlins
2: The New Batch (1990) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.01)
- "...Gremlins
2 breaks all the rules of the sophomore jinx as it
proves itself one of the two most shockingly excellent and
unexpected follow-up successes ever made. The other: Bill
& Ted’s Bogus Journey. I kid you not."
Grindhouse
(2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_05.09)
- "So much more than just a pair of movies, Grindhouse
is a vulgar display of aggression, machismo, and the bizarre,
every teenager’s wildest dream come true and every
parent’s worst nightmare."
Hairspray
(2007) 3 / 4 (2008_06.18) - "...if
anyone, anyone deserves to light their cigars with
$100 dollar bills and have his films celebrated by society’s
entertainment elite, it's the great, the immortal, the clandestine,
The Pope of Trash, himself, Mr. Baltimore, John Waters."
Happy
Feet (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_10.23)
- "Maybe
some prefer their cartoon films American Idol style
but I certainly do not."
High
Fidelity (2000) 3 / 4 (2004_08.09)
- "High Fidelity is a good movie but it could
have been so much more."
The
Hills Have Eyes (2006) 1 / 4 (2008_01.11)
- "Come on, guys, just because a film’s subject
matter is crap doesn’t mean the film, itself must
be stupid, too."
Hotel
Rwanda (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_03.26)
- "Never preachy, chock full of information, and expertly
crafted, Hotel Rwanda is a masterpiece."
Hulk
(2004) .5 / 4 (2004_06.24) -
"...Ang
Lee’s Hulk is one of the worst movies I have
ever seen."
Idiocracy
(2006) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.18) -
"...for those willing to see beyond the dick and fart
jokes and understand why they are being told and
where they are coming from, there is much to admire
in Idiocracy."
I
Heart Huckabees (2004) .5 / 4 (2004_11.06)
- "Blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah."
Indiana
Jones and the Crystal Skull (2008) 3.5 / 4 (2008_05.28)
- "...The
Crystal Skull merges the disparity of archaeological
swashbuckling and alien autopsies with expert precision,
a great sense of humour, and still gives us that tried and
true thrilling Indian Jones experience."
Inside
Deep Throat (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_03.01)
- "...for all the excitement Deep Throat provided
the citizens of 1972 its documentary counterpart is better
served as mere background material, hardly an event in and
of itself."
Jackass
Number 2 (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.05)
2006 - "Jackass Number 2 is stupid, idiotic
fun."
Jersey
Girl (2004) 2 / 4 (2004_09.27)
- "By
the end, nearly all characters seem to resemble fish and
all I could see on screen was their exhaustive flopping."
Juno
(2007) 4 / 4 (2008_01.06) - "Even
though it features a smorgasbord of off-kilter, hipster
lingo, it nonetheless creates a bevy of characters so true
I swear I have seen them in my own life.”
The
Karate Kid Part III (1989) 2 / 4 (2005_02.17)
- "Ludicrousness
this bad and this good is not to be missed or discarded
after merely one viewing."
Kill
Bill Volume 2 (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.13)
- "...it has its moments but sometimes the film had
me thinking about things other than the movie at hand, and
in particular, how much more I enjoyed Volume 1 than its
successor."
King
Kong (2005) 2/ 4 (2006_01.01)
- "Maybe Peter Jackson still has
something to learn from George Lucas after all."
Kung
Pow! Enter the Fist (2002) .5 / 4 (2005_08.21)
- "...Oedekerk has once again shown he has interesting
concepts but destroys them with tireless and tiresome repetition,
inevitably what his films are really about."
Lady
in the Water (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11)
- "Lady in the Water... fights off easy criticism
as this very entertaining film sucks you in."
License
to Wed (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_10.08)
- "License to Wed is Meet
the Preacher with Robin Williams playing the role of
the short, loud, obnoxious guy instead of Ben Stiller."
Little
Miss Sunshine (2006) 4 / 4 (2008_01.09)
- "Give me a movie about realistic family social dynamics,
strange yet familiar characters, the pursuit of dreams gone
awry, and throw in a road trip as the cherry on top and
I’ll write you a positive review."
Love
Actually (2006) 3 / 4 (2004_06.23)
- "...fans of romantic comedies will surely enjoy this
movie and its sweeping theme that “All You Need is
Love.”
The
Matador (2005) 3.5 / 4 (2006_01.26)
- "Come
for the Pierce Brosnan, stay for the excellent and entertaining
film courtesy of writer/director Richard Shepard."
Me
& You & Everyone We Know (2005) .5 /
4 (2007_10.01) - "Me
& You & Everyone We Know is the prototypical
movie loved by critics and hated by you."
Mister
Woodcock (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2008_08.14)
- "...Mister
Woodcock will make you laugh. If it doesn’t,
then maybe you deserve to be smacked in the crotch by Woodcock,
too."
Music
and Lyrics (2007) 2.5 / 4 (2008_01.01)
- "If only the film accepted that it was a slapstick
comedy rather than a romantic comedy than it could have
been really good.”
National
Treasure (2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.12)
- "The movie isn’t even mindless entertainment;
it is just mindless."
Orgazmo!
(1997) 2.5 / 4 (2004_11.06) -
"...we, the audience, are treated to not one, not two,
but an entire Mariachi Band of hairy asses smack dab in
front of the screen."
Pan's
Labrynth (2006) 4 / 4 (2007_10.04)
- "...a grand, well-told fairy tale film that perfectly
captures the grandiosity of a child’s imagination."
The
Passion of the Christ (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_02.18)
- "...if a movie is to be judged
by how well it portrays the vision of its creator then The
Passion is unequivocally a major success."
Pauly
Shore is Dead (2003) 2 / 4 (2005_01.21)
- "...that Pauly was in Boston promoting
his self-made movie with middle fingers raised to Hollywood
definitely gives him more common man cred than your average
pampered fallen celebrity (even if he did walk out on his
own film’s showing before it ended. For shame, Pauly!)."
Pink
Flamingos (1972) No Rating (2004_08.28)
- "For once, a movie that lives
up to its billing even while we sometimes hope it does not."
The
Prestige (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.07)
- "Clones? Are you kidding me? Clones!?"
Pretty
Woman (1990) 4 / 4 (2007_11.18)
- "Pretty Woman isn’t a perfect film,
but it is perfectly entertaining and stands the
test of time with flying colors."
The
Producers (2005) 2 / 4 (2007_11.17)
- "...the
complete vision of this cinematic effort doesn’t quite
equal the talent of its cast and leads to an average picture
that fails to live up to its potential."
The
Queen (2006) 1.5 / 4 (2007_07.28)
- "Regardless of the story I'd prefer to see, the story
we do see is lousy and condescending."
The
Ringer (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.23)
- "Just when you thought getting kicked in the balls
by a gaggle of children and being shot into a lake riding
a make-shift rocket were the greatest heights of Johnny
Knoxville’s career...”
Roadhouse
(1989) 3 / 4 (2007_10.02) - "...there
is no doubt anyone who has seen this film is not likely
to ever forget it. And that’s a good thing!"
Robocop
(1987) 4 / 4 (2007_06.25) - "Only
in the 1980s do we get ludicrousness this good and Verhoeven’s
masterpiece is one of the best."
Robot
Monster (1953) No Rating (2004_06.23)
- "...gimmicks,
strange monsters, bizarre pseudo-scientific philosophizing,
stock footage, scantily clad (for the time) helpless women,
and a male lead who takes his shirt off without reason (and
then keeps it off for nearly half the movie)."
Rocky
Balboa (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.11)
- "...the more you consider how this final Rocky
installment could have gone, the more you’ll appreciate
that Stallone’s approach is nothing short of perfect."
Saved!
(2003) 3.5 / 4 (2006_03.09) -
"Not since Welcome to the Dollhouse
have I viewed a teenage comedy/drama this interesting."
Say
Anything (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.28)
- "...what separates Say Anything from the
slew of similar films of the time is the gentleness with
which it treats its characters."
Secret
Window (2004) 2.5 / 4 (2007_05.07)
- "Gadzooks, this may be the pulpy cinematic presentation
the King faithful have been hankering for."
Sin
City (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_02.22)
- "Sin City is a visually
stunning creative masterpiece."
Sleepless
in Seattle (1993) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.24)
- "Sure, Sleepless pretty much shits on the
nice guy with minimal personality who loses his girl over
her exotic fantasies, but since Bill Pullman doesn’t
seem to mind why should we?"
Snakes
on a Plane (2006) .5 / 4 (2007_09.16)
- "Like a deodorant averse, aggressively oblivious
president of the Dungeons and Dragons Club desperately
trying to win the affection of his high school’s head
cheerleader, Snakes on a Plane is a self-consciously
desperate act of stupidity."
Spaceballs
(1987) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11) -
"...Spaceballs, the 1987 Star Wars
knock-off produced at least five years too late but nonetheless
a memorably ridiculous science-fiction spoof extraordinaire."
Spellbound
(2002) 1.5 / 4 (2007_04.25)
- "...it’s a study of numerous stereotypes in
the most obvious fashion."
Stuck
on You (2003) 3 / 4 (2005_01.26)
- "I dare you not to smile."
Superman
Returns (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_02.20)
- "...it is slow yet unevenly paced, gives action that
is more mechanical than breathtaking, and forces romance
that is about as romantic as watching frogs lick each other’s
warts."
Sweeney
Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
3.5 / 4 (2007_12.31) - "...a mesmerizing
soufflé that will have you gasping, chuckling, and
perhaps even squeezing the hand of the theatergoer next
to you, even if you don’t know him or her.”
Team
America: World Police (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_11.21)
- " | 
