9
1/2 Weeks (1986) 3 / 4 (2009_02.21)
- “...more character study than narrative story, and
cut from the cloth of a dirty poem or erotic painting rather
than a screenplay or novel, it succeeds and fails for those
exact reasons.”
21
(2008) 2 / 4 (2008_07.21) - "...professional
flash, absurd suspense, and a barrel of half-hearted twists
to wrap the whole thing up."
300
(2007) 3 / 4 (2007_03.10) -
"300 is a movie caught between overplayed
seriousness, unintentional comedy, and homoerotic machismo."
1408
(2007) 1.5 / 4 (2007_11.23) -
"...this is by-the-numbers poltergeist schlock and
an abridged version of King’s The Shining."
A
Bronx Tale (1993) 4 / 4 (2005_05.13)
- "...A Bronx Tale captures
a nostalgic flare giving it a deeply personal touch that
enhances every aspect of its story."
Across
the Universe (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_10.01)
- "...a film that at times feels
like the best movie of the year and at others, a hokey misstep."
A
Dirty Shame (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.29)
- "...as fresh and honest as a seven year olds’
first time playing doctor, even if it is just as contrived."
The
Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990) 2 / 4 (2008_04.27)
- "...it
was quite an event for a prepubescent desperate for movies
where girls lose their tops and four-letter words rule the
day to attend such a premiere."
Alien
Nation (1988) 3 / 4 (2009_10.05)
- "...gritty and real in a way alien movies rarely
have the nerve or behind the scenes skill to be."
American
History X (1998) 1.5 / 4 (2004_02.26)
- "Why present only the best aspects of the point your
movie is struggling against without a fair and thoughtful
rebuttal?"
American
Psycho (2000) 2 / 4 (2006_12.28)
- "This is the kind of over-the-top machismo that doesn’t
blush at lewd threesomes where a man demands women eat each
other’s assholes while he poses his toned and tanned
body in the wall length mirror."
Andy
Kaufman's Midnight Special (1981) 4 / 4 (2004_10.08)
- "...I felt touched in a way I rarely do when I laugh
as an adult."
A
Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
2 / 4 (2008_10.07) - "Bumbling,
bratty, and wholly blistered with benign buffoonery, if
you’re a bad movie connoisseur you’ll definitely
appreciate its barrage of unintentional laughs and homoerotic
undertones."
Apocalypto
(2006) 3.5 / 4 (2009_05.29) -
"...another Gibson masterpiece that deserves far more
kudos than its lukewarm coverage would have you believe."
The
Aristocrats (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.26)
- "Unquestionably, Bob Saget alone
is worth the price of admission."
As
Good As It Gets (1997) 4 / 4 (2008_11.25)
- “...an entertainment juggernaut that steamrolls
the necessary hurdles of critical acclaim emerging as its
own category of cinematic greatness.”
Auto
Focus (2002) 2 / 4 (2007_05.07)
- "Devoid of moralizing or making any particular point,
the movie just kind of “is” in a way that we
never feel anything."
Back
to the Future Part II (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.19)
- "...as far as enhancing the movie that inspired it
by pouring on the gusto and insanity Back to the Future
Part II is excellent viewing, indeed."
Batman
Begins (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2008_08.27)
- "...Nolan’s
inability to capture either my fantastic imagination of
Batman and his world or my acceptance of a real world crime
fighter by constantly explaining everything is
the movie’s biggest shortcoming."
Batman
Returns (1992) 2 / 4 (2008_04.20)
- "...because Burton does whatever he thinks looks
good at the moment we’re stuck with a film whose
tone is a mish-mash of inconsistencies."
Beerfest
(2006) 1 / 4 (2007_09.07) - "Beerfest
tries hard but inevitably falls short as raunchy guffaw
fest entertainment."
Big
Fish (2003) 3.5 / 4 (2004_01.17)
- "Big Fish is that rare movie that manages
to both dazzle and tug at the heartstrings."
Bigger,
Stronger, Faster* (2008) 3 / 4 (2008_12.05)
- "...Bigger,
Stronger, Faster* is an enjoyable documentary that
puts a human face on steroids and finally acknowledges the
absurdity of our win first, ask questions later mentality."
Big
Trouble in Little China (1986) 3 / 4 (2008_07.28)
- "...who
hasn’t dreamed that beneath the façade of San
Francisco’s Chinatown lies a sinister world of rival
gangs, magic wielding flying samurai, endless tunnels, lairs,
and underground hide outs, and a 1,000 year old mystic named
Lo-Pan who is hot and bothered to find a young hottie with
green eyes?"
Blades
of Glory (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_09.01)
- "Like death and taxes, it seems, lousy SNL movies
will forever remain a fact of life eating our minds and
corrupting our souls."
Bloodsport
(1988) 3 / 4 (2007_09.19) - "...Bloodsport,
a movie so bad it’s terrific, or at the very least,
terrifically entertaining."
Borat
(2006) 4 / 4 (2006_12.10) - "...aren’t
the best jokes often those that begin hilariously posturing
over our favorite stereotypes until the foundation crumbles
as the ones closest to home are finally unveiled? That is
Borat in a nutshell."
The
Book of Life (1998) 1 / 4 (2004_07.25)
- "Somewhat intriguing premise,
crummy execution."
Brokeback
Mountain (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_01.02)
- "Brokeback Mountain is about feelings that
get us when we least expect them and then linger in our
minds and in our hearts forever."
The
Brother from Another Planet (1984) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.18)
2007 - "Part science-fiction bizarre, part social commentary,
and all low-budget ‘80s chutzpa, The Brother
is some funky weird entertaining shit that earns its place
as indie royalty."
Bruno
(2009) 1 / 4 (2009_07.18) - “...where
Borat was a hoot Bruno is a stinker.”
Caddyshack
(1980) 3.5 / 4 (2008_02.28) -
"The untethered masters each add a distinct handprint
to the proceedings yet Ramis is the one who takes it one
step further with his uncompromising, out there self-indulgences."
Carnival
of Souls (1962) 3 / 4 (2008_02.01)
- "Carnival of Souls and I have flirted endlessly,
but in the end, we’re better off as friends."
Carrie
(1976) 4 / 4 (2007_10.14) - "Now
that’s angst of a different color!"
Casino
Royale (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_05.19)
- "The great minds of Britain and The United States
have finally concocted a plan to thwart terrorism once and
for all: crash a high stakes poker game in Montenegro!"
Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory (2005) 1.5 / 4 (2008_12.18)
- “...Burton’s remake confirms one particular
thing: other than his original Batman, Burton's
“re-imaginings” are uniformly awful.”
Children
of Men (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.27)
- "Children of Men is an imaginatively ambitious,
well-crafted dystopia even as it remorselessly leaves us
hanging throughout, frustrated and angry yet undeniably
pensive.”
Child's
Play (1988) 3 / 4 (2007_10.15)
- "...a very pleasing film that
has earned its place as a horror classic."
The
Chronicles of Narnia (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.08)
- "...Narnia has its charms and fills a unique
void as a children’s story with a positive message."
Closer
(2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.30) - "...the
film has a despicably shameful outlook on human nature."
Cloverfield
(2008) 3 / 4 (2008_01.19) - "The
Blair Witch Project may have kick started the self-broadcast
everyman as documentarian phenomenon (or “making something
out of nothing,” as I like to call it), and MySpace
and Facebook may have brought that revolution to
the masses, but Cloverfield gives the idea a 30
million dollar budget, oodles of superstar special effects
flourishes, and slams it face first into the big screen,
kicking ass, taking names, and blowing ear drums in the
process."
Cool
As Ice (1991) 1 / 4 (2007_12.09)
- "Cool As Ice stinks and if you never see
it for yourself you’ll surely be better off."
Dan
in Real LIfe (2007) 2 / 4 (2009_02.28)
- “Eh.”
The
Dark Knight (2008) 4 / 4 (2008_07.30)
- "The
Dark Knight unquestionably brings a new level of excitement
and respectability to the superhero genre that was never
present before."
The
Da Vinci Code (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.18)
- "Howard is skillful in taking a ludicrous premise
and making it entertaining."
Deck
the Halls (2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.19)
- "The snow is obviously fake, the story as basic and
cliché as one expects, and the conclusion ridiculous
camp, but for some strange miraculous reason Deck the
Halls defies the odds as fun, albeit absurd entertainment."
Deuce
Bigelow-European Gigolo (2005) 0 / 4 (2006_06.04)
- "...there is no plot, no laughs to be had, and absolutely
no reason this movie should have ever been made."
Dune
(1984) 2.5 / 4 (2010_03.23) -
"...an enigma within an enigma, a plan within plans,
a movie that doesn’t know where or when to quit."
Enchanted
(2007) 3 / 4 (2009_02.05) - “...a
perfectly cast combination of little girl fairy tale meets
real world romantic comedy with a twist.”
Eragon
(2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_11.13) -
"It's
a bird, it's a plane, it's a ventriloquist blue dragon that
sounds like Rachel Weisz!"
Escape
From New York (1981) 3 / 4 (2008_07.15)
- "...an
entertaining B-Movie whose heart is bigger than its muscle,
its aspirations grander than its abilities, and its ego
a fragile shell feigning confidence despite everything life’s
cinematic lessons have advised."
Fahrenheit
9/11 (2004) 3.5 / 4 (2004_07.13)
- "As a cinematic event and informative bit of filmmaking,
Fahrenheit is a must-see for all Americans."
Female
Trouble (1975) 2 / 4 (2005_01.08)
- "...Female
Trouble is Waters’ coup de gras of filth without
limits."
Fido
(2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.29) -
"The big problem with the film is that zombie movies
need to be over-the-top, especially comedies, and Fido
never quite loosens its collar."
The
Fifth Element (1997) 1.5 / 4 (2009_10.03)
- “...believes action comedy is easily achieved with
giant blaster gunfights being commentated on by a dragged
out Chris Tucker.”
Flash
Gordon (1980) 3 / 4 (2008_06.28)
- "Like
a pig in shit, Flash Gordon embraces its absurdity,
pours on the decadence like few others, and never gives
a damn what any critic might write."
Flatliners
(1990) 2 / 4 (2010_06.25) - "...you’ll
be begging for someone to pull the plug."
Footloose
(1984) 2 / 4 (2007_06.02) -
"...Dirty Dancing this ain't."
The
Fountain (2006) 4 / 4 (2009_08.22)
- “It isn't perfect but it is beautiful.”
Gas
Pump Girls (1979) 1 / 4 (2008_12.21)
- "...after
merely twenty minutes of awkward shenanigans you, too will
be certain your ribald wanting dollars would have been best
spent elsewhere."
Ghosts
of Girlfriends Past (2009) 2 / 4 (2010_03.20)
- "Love may be blind but in movies like this it’s
stupid as well."
Ghost
Town (2008) 2.5 / 4 (2008_12.24)
- “...a halfway rewarding film that never quite gels
enough to completely win us over.”
Glen
or Glenda (1953) 2 / 4 (2004_10.24)
- "Only
Wood could be so bold, so brazen, and so oblivious to turn
the fascinating story of the world’s first sex change
patient, Christine Jorgenson, into his own personal ode
to cashmere sweaters and his love for wearing women’s
undergarments."
The
Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) 4 / 4 (2007_12.08)
- "...The Gods Must Be Crazy is a special
film and a prime example of a situation where all the right
elements collide at precisely the right time and place...
"
Gran
Torino (2008) 2.5 / 4 (2009_02.14)
- “...Gran Torino, directed and starring
78 year old Clint Eastwood, is not the best movie of the
year but rather a misguided attempt by the older generation
to understand its youth.”
Gremlins
2: The New Batch (1990) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.01)
- "...Gremlins
2 breaks all the rules of the sophomore jinx as it
proves itself one of the two most shockingly excellent and
unexpected follow-up successes ever made. The other: Bill
& Ted’s Bogus Journey. I kid you not."
Grindhouse
(2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_05.09)
- "So much more than just a pair of movies, Grindhouse
is a vulgar display of aggression, machismo, and the bizarre,
every teenager’s wildest dream come true and every
parent’s worst nightmare."
Hairspray
(2007) 3 / 4 (2008_06.18) - "...if
anyone, anyone deserves to light their cigars with
$100 dollar bills and have his films celebrated by society’s
entertainment elite, it's the great, the immortal, the clandestine,
The Pope of Trash, himself, Mr. Baltimore, John Waters."
The
Hammer (2008) 3.5 / 4 (2009_11.04)
- "...a wonderful romantic comedy that scores on both
fronts."
The
Hangover (2009) 3.5 / 4 (2009_07.26)
- “It’s a refreshing change of pace for a genre
screaming for a new course.”
Happy
Feet (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_10.23)
- "Maybe
some prefer their cartoon films American Idol style
but I certainly do not."
High
Fidelity (2000) 3 / 4 (2004_08.09)
- "High Fidelity is a good movie but it could
have been so much more."
The
Hills Have Eyes (2006) 1 / 4 (2008_01.11)
- "Come on, guys, just because a film’s subject
matter is crap doesn’t mean the film, itself must
be stupid, too."
Hostel
(2005) 3 / 4 (2009_01.25) - “It’s
time to get medieval on your ass.”
Hotel
Rwanda (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_03.26)
- "Never preachy, chock full of information, and expertly
crafted, Hotel Rwanda is a masterpiece."
Hulk
(2004) .5 / 4 (2004_06.24) -
"...Ang
Lee’s Hulk is one of the worst movies I have
ever seen."
I
Am Legend (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2008_12.14)
- "I
Am Legend is a poor man's Night of the Living Dead."
Idiocracy
(2006) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.18) -
"...for those willing to see beyond the dick and fart
jokes and understand why they are being told and
where they are coming from, there is much to admire
in Idiocracy."
I
Heart Huckabees (2004) .5 / 4 (2004_11.06)
- "Blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah."
The
House Bunny (2008) 1 / 4 (2010_03.09)
- "...Faris has talent and I hope to see her again.
Only next time I hope it’s in a better movie."
Indiana
Jones and the Crystal Skull (2008) 3.5 / 4 (2008_05.28)
- "...The
Crystal Skull merges the disparity of archaeological
swashbuckling and alien autopsies with expert precision,
a great sense of humour, and still gives us that tried and
true thrilling Indian Jones experience."
Inglorious
Basterds (2009) 2.5 / 4 (2009_08.21)
- "...loses its way because its writer/director is
more obsessed with paying homage to his favorite films and
reveling in his obsessions with film in general than in
creating truly interesting and memorable characters and
a consistent plot."
Inside
Deep Throat (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_03.01)
- "...for all the excitement Deep Throat provided
the citizens of 1972 its documentary counterpart is better
served as mere background material, hardly an event in and
of itself."
Iron
Man (2008) 3 / 4 (2008_11.28)
- "Iron
Man is a lesson in casting over concept..."
Jackass
Number 2 (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.05)
2006 - "Jackass Number 2 is stupid, idiotic
fun."
JCVD
(2008) 3 / 4 (2009_09.20) - “...mind
bogglingly obtuse, unequivocally absurd, and surprisingly
moving all at the same time.”
Jersey
Girl (2004) 2 / 4 (2004_09.27)
- "By
the end, nearly all characters seem to resemble fish and
all I could see on screen was their exhaustive flopping."
Journey
to the Center of the Earth (2008) 2 / 4 (2008_11.16)
- "...I
laughed, I flinched, and I certainly groaned on more than
one occasion."
Juno
(2007) 4 / 4 (2008_01.06) - "Even
though it features a smorgasbord of off-kilter, hipster
lingo, it nonetheless creates a bevy of characters so true
I swear I have seen them in my own life.”
Just
Friends (2005) 3 / 4 (2009_10.31)
- "Don’t tell anyone but… I loved it!"
The
Karate Kid Part III (1989) 2 / 4 (2005_02.17)
- "Ludicrousness
this bad and this good is not to be missed or discarded
after merely one viewing."
Kill
Bill Volume 2 (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.13)
- "...it has its moments but sometimes the film had
me thinking about things other than the movie at hand, and
in particular, how much more I enjoyed Volume 1 than its
successor."
King
Kong (2005) 2/ 4 (2006_01.01)
- "Maybe Peter Jackson still has
something to learn from George Lucas after all."
The
King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007) 4
/ 4 (2009_05.23) - “...one couldn’t
ask for a more perversely entertaining bit of silliness.”
Knocked
Up (2007) .5 / 4 (2007_12.08)
- “...every time anyone opens their mouths the asinine
things they say are obviously coming from a smarmy screen
writer rather than a thoughtfully created character.”
Kung
Pow! Enter the Fist (2002) .5 / 4 (2005_08.21)
- "...Oedekerk has once again shown he has interesting
concepts but destroys them with tireless and tiresome repetition,
inevitably what his films are really about."
Lady
in the Water (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11)
- "Lady in the Water... fights off easy criticism
as this very entertaining film sucks you in."
License
to Wed (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_10.08)
- "License to Wed is Meet
the Preacher with Robin Williams playing the role of
the short, loud, obnoxious guy instead of Ben Stiller."
Little
Children (2006) 2 / 4 (2009_02.12)
- “...what are any of these people doing other than
what the script demands?”
Little
Miss Sunshine (2006) 4 / 4 (2008_01.09)
- "Give me a movie about realistic family social dynamics,
strange yet familiar characters, the pursuit of dreams gone
awry, and throw in a road trip as the cherry on top and
I’ll write you a positive review."
Love
Actually (2006) 3 / 4 (2004_06.23)
- "...fans of romantic comedies will surely enjoy this
movie and its sweeping theme that “All You Need is
Love.”
Loverboy
(1989) 2 / 4 (2009_02.18) - “...Loverboy,
the movie that forever made me dream of delivering pizzas
with extra anchovies to hot housewives eager to give more
than a tip for my services.”
Mamma
Mia! (2008) 1 / 4 (2008_11.12)
- "Just
because the people making a movie are having fun doesn’t
mean I have to enjoy watching them."
Man
on Wire (2008) 2 / 4 (2009_05.10)
- “...for all the film’s expert craftsmanship
it would have been better suited as a 30-minute affair rather
than an hour and a half melodrama.”
Marie
Antoinette (2006) 2 / 4 (2009_08.31)
- “...a heaping dose of eye-candy tedium without a
will, a way, or a point.”
The
Matador (2005) 3.5 / 4 (2006_01.26)
- "Come
for the Pierce Brosnan, stay for the excellent and entertaining
film courtesy of writer/director Richard Shepard."
Me
& You & Everyone We Know (2005) .5 /
4 (2007_10.01) - "Me
& You & Everyone We Know is the prototypical
movie loved by critics and hated by you."
Mister
Woodcock (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2008_08.14)
- "...Mister
Woodcock will make you laugh. If it doesn’t,
then maybe you deserve to be smacked in the crotch by Woodcock,
too."
Murderball
(2005) 3 / 4 (2009_06.18) - “...Murderball
shows us truth, humour, and sincerity in all its forms.”
Music
and Lyrics (2007) 2.5 / 4 (2008_01.01)
- "If only the film accepted that it was a slapstick
comedy rather than a romantic comedy than it could have
been really good.”
Napoleon
Dynamite (2004) 2.5 / 4 (2004_06.21)
- "Napoleon
and his bevy of family and neighbors are the clueless dolts
I imagine those who feverishly relish this movie will enjoy
mocking, not because they like or can relate to Napoleon,
but because they enjoy being in on a joke without being
its butt."
National
Treasure (2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.12)
- "The movie isn’t even mindless entertainment;
it is just mindless."
Night
of the Comet (1984) 3 / 4 (2009_03.27)
- “...memorably awkward.”
The
Omega Man (1971) 1 / 4 (2009_10.03)
- “...I suspect being drunk won’t be enough
to save a viewer from the agony of watching the Omega
Man.”
Orgazmo!
(1997) 2.5 / 4 (2004_11.06) -
"...we, the audience, are treated to not one, not two,
but an entire Mariachi Band of hairy asses smack dab in
front of the screen."
Pan's
Labrynth (2006) 4 / 4 (2007_10.04)
- "...a grand, well-told fairy tale film that perfectly
captures the grandiosity of a child’s imagination."
Paranormal
Activity (2007) 2.5 / 4 (2009_11.27)
- They only come out at night.
The
Passion of the Christ (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_02.18)
- "...if a movie is to be judged
by how well it portrays the vision of its creator then The
Passion is unequivocally a major success."
Pauly
Shore is Dead (2003) 2 / 4 (2005_01.21)
- "...that Pauly was in Boston promoting
his self-made movie with middle fingers raised to Hollywood
definitely gives him more common man cred than your average
pampered fallen celebrity (even if he did walk out on his
own film’s showing before it ended. For shame, Pauly!)."
Pink
Flamingos (1972) No Rating (2004_08.28)
- "For once, a movie that lives
up to its billing even while we sometimes hope it does not."
Point
Break (1991) 4 / 4 (2010_01.26)
- "...you’ll be begging for more."
The
Prestige (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.07)
- "Clones? Are you kidding me? Clones!?"
Pretty
Woman (1990) 4 / 4 (2007_11.18)
- "Pretty Woman isn’t a perfect film,
but it is perfectly entertaining and stands the
test of time with flying colors."
Primer
(2004) 3 / 4 (2010_04.17) - "...a
believable look at how most of the world’s great inventions
come to be: as the happenstance by-product of completely
unrelated research."
The
Producers (2005) 2 / 4 (2007_11.17)
- "...the
complete vision of this cinematic effort doesn’t quite
equal the talent of its cast and leads to an average picture
that fails to live up to its potential."
The
Queen (2006) 1.5 / 4 (2007_07.28)
- "Regardless of the story I'd prefer to see, the story
we do see is lousy and condescending."
Religulous
(2008) 2.5 / 4 (2009_04.18) -
“...Religulous is so bent on slandering religion
it misses the bigger picture.”
Requiem
for a Heavyweight (1962) 4 / 4 (2010_01.02)
- "...as heartbreaking as it is poignant and true."
The
Ringer (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.23)
- "Just when you thought getting kicked in the balls
by a gaggle of children and being shot into a lake riding
a make-shift rocket were the greatest heights of Johnny
Knoxville’s career...”
Roadhouse
(1989) 3 / 4 (2007_10.02) - "...there
is no doubt anyone who has seen this film is not likely
to ever forget it. And that’s a good thing!"
Robocop
(1987) 4 / 4 (2007_06.25) - "Only
in the 1980s do we get ludicrousness this good and Verhoeven’s
masterpiece is one of the best."
Robot
Monster (1953) No Rating (2004_06.23)
- "...gimmicks,
strange monsters, bizarre pseudo-scientific philosophizing,
stock footage, scantily clad (for the time) helpless women,
and a male lead who takes his shirt off without reason (and
then keeps it off for nearly half the movie)."
Rocky
Balboa (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.11)
- "...the more you consider how this final Rocky
installment could have gone, the more you’ll appreciate
that Stallone’s approach is nothing short of perfect."
Role
Models (2008) 3 / 4 (2010_01.28)
- "...it succeeds because it is not nearly as crass,
hip, or obnoxious as it would like to be..."
Saved!
(2003) 3.5 / 4 (2006_03.09) -
"Not since Welcome to the Dollhouse
have I viewed a teenage comedy/drama this interesting."
Say
Anything (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.28)
- "...what separates Say Anything from the
slew of similar films of the time is the gentleness with
which it treats its characters."
The
Secret of My Success (1987) 3 / 4 (2008_11.19)
- "Too idiotic to believe, too goofy to take serious,
and too feverish to catch its breath (save the inevitable
overdramatic ‘80s interludes) Success is
go with the flow, suspension of disbelief fun that gets
more entertaining the more you’re able to loosen your
collar and laugh at its ludicrousness."
Secret
Window (2004) 2.5 / 4 (2007_05.07)
- "Gadzooks, this may be the pulpy cinematic presentation
the King faithful have been hankering for."
Sin
City (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_02.22)
- "Sin City is a visually
stunning creative masterpiece."
Sleepless
in Seattle (1993) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.24)
- "Sure, Sleepless pretty much shits on the
nice guy with minimal personality who loses his girl over
her exotic fantasies, but since Bill Pullman doesn’t
seem to mind why should we?"
Snakes
on a Plane (2006) .5 / 4 (2007_09.16)
- "Like a deodorant averse, aggressively oblivious
president of the Dungeons and Dragons Club desperately
trying to win the affection of his high school’s head
cheerleader, Snakes on a Plane is a self-consciously
desperate act of stupidity."
Soylent
Green (1973) 2 / 4 (2009_09.09)
- “...packed with interesting though half-baked ideas
delivered in a flimsy, unrealistic manner.”
Spaceballs
(1987) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11) -
"...Spaceballs, the 1987 Star Wars
knock-off produced at least five years too late but nonetheless
a memorably ridiculous science-fiction spoof extraordinaire."
Spellbound
(2002) 1.5 / 4 (2007_04.25)
- "...it’s a study of numerous stereotypes in
the most obvious fashion."
Spider-Man
3 (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2009_02.06)
- “...If Spider-Man 3 exists but no one watches
it, can we pretend it doesn’t? I sure hope so.”
Stuck
on You (2003) 3 / 4 (2005_01.26)
- "I dare you not to smile."
Sunshine
Cleaning (2008) 1.5 / 4 (2009_09.04)
- “...Sunshine Cleaning should be ashamed
of itself for painting women with such detrimentally broad
and unfair strokes.”
Superman
Returns (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_02.20)
- "...it is slow yet unevenly paced, gives action that
is more mechanical than breathtaking, and forces romance
that is about as romantic as watching frogs lick each other’s
warts."
Sweeney
Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)
3.5 / 4 (2007_12.31) - "...a mesmerizing
soufflé that will have you gasping, chuckling, and
perhaps even squeezing the hand of the theatergoer next
to you, even if you don’t know him or her.”
Sweet
November (2001) 1 / 4 (2010_03.16)
- "No one says 'no' to Keanu Reeves!"
Team
America: World Police (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_11.21)
- "From
the namby-pamby liberals to the fake-tough conservatives
no one is safe from Parker’s cavalcade of real and
fictional puppets and their obscenity laced diatribes."
Terminator
3: The Rise of the Machines (2003) 2.5 / 4 (2005_06.20)
- "...an
exercise in cinematic action without the brain to make it
worthwhile."
Thank
You For Smoking (2005) 2 / 4 (2006_05.27)
- "Thank You seems much longer than the advertised
92 minutes and is far less entertaining than the two-minute
trailer."
There
Will Be Blood (2007) 3 / 4 (2008_02.02)
- "...Anderson once again reaches for the heavens but
sadly, only makes it as far as Mars."
Titan
A.E. (2000) 3 / 4 (2009_02.23)
- “...Titan A.E. is packed with so many stunning
visuals and a tremendously clever overarching theme that
the poor plot details are easily forgotten.”
The
Toxic Avenger (1984) 3 / 4 (2009_02.11)
- “...creeps, weirdoes, gluttons, fetishists, and
all manner of monstrosity are on full whimsical display
in this horror camp extravaganza.”
Twilight
(2008) 3 / 4 (2009_06.02) - “...all
the shades of forbidden love, longing stares, parental gymnastics,
and a timeless sense of teenage urgency are on full display.”
The
Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) 2 / 4 (2009_11.24)
- The wolf's out of the bag: New Moon is a clunker.
Tyson
(2008) 2 / 4 (2009_05.23) - “...Toback’s
method creates a one trick Tyson pony that is more caricature
than real life human being.”
Unbreakable
(2000) 3.5 / 4 (2007_04.15)
- "...without relying on the outlandish twists and
turns that often distract from the humanity of his tales,
Unbreakable just may be M. Night Shyamalan’s
best work."
V
for Vendetta (2005) 2 / 4 (2007_10.03)
- "...who ordered the chatty terrorist, I mean hero,
with the creepy Guy Fawkes mask and the penchant for classic
swashbuckling?"
Videodrome
(1983) 4 / 4 (2008_06.26) - "…the
godfather of all mental clusterfucks…"
The
Village (2004) 2 / 4 (2004_08.13)
- "That “those we don’t speak of”
are spoken of about a hundred times throughout the film
is the first and best indicator that this plodding fraud
of entertainment is setting us up for the biggest let down
since Fonzie tried to water ski over a shark in Happy
Days."
Waitress
(2007) 1.5 / 4 (2007_10.08) -
"Waitress is sure to be
a movie women will love, critics will praise, and every
man will roll his eyes in disgust at as he feels the immediate
need to slip Showgirls: The Unrated Edition into
the DVD player."
Wall
Street (1987) 3.5 / 4 (2010_02.28)
- "…rules are for chumps afraid to face the truth."
The
Warriors (1979) 2.5 / 4 (2008_11.09)
- "...rather
than excite, stir our intellect, or reflect on anything
meaningful or worthwhile it is instead a dopey phony exercise
in fake tough machismo and a ludicrous display of inorganic
film making that thinks it is believable and poignant when
it is anything but."
Watchmen
(2009) 2.5 / 4 (2010_01.16) -
"The film moves the superhero genre in a new direction…"
Wes
Craven's New Nightmare (1994) 3.5 / 4 (2008_05.04)
- "Wes
Craven’s Scream may have been the film to
rejuvenate the horror genre with its in-jokes and self-referential
winks, but New Nightmare was the film that provided
the template."
What
Happens in Vegas (2008) 1 / 4 (2009_04.08)
- “...'sweaty ball topping' is indeed the height of
this lame, clichéd, miserably acted monstrosity.”
The
Wicker Man (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_10.10)
- "Question: if Leelee Sobieski
and James Franco had a child together would it be the most
beautiful looking person ever? Oh never mind… Nic
Cage in a bear suit!"
Wings
of Desire (1987) 3.5 / 4 (2007_02.08)
- "The film shows instead of tells with every image
delicately crafted to symbolize, illuminate, or at times
merely ponder."
The
Wrestler (2008) 4 / 4 (2009_01.13)
- "...director
Darren Aronofsky takes the simple story of a man who was
once at the top of a very specific niche, the world of professional
wrestling, but has since fallen to depressing lows and makes
it a universal truth."
Zapped!
(1982) .5 / 4 (2009_02.21) -
“Merely writing “Scott Baio/Willie Aames vehicle”
should have been enough to red flag Zapped! from
the get go.”
Zoolander
(2001) .5 / 4 (2004_02.09) -
"Funny that Zoolander, a movie about fashion
and style, has none..." |
