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New Reviews

Super 8 (2011) 2 / 4 (2011_06.25) - "...is really two movies playing simultaneously - one a fun homage to Spielberg, the other a typical disaster cheesefest."

Un Chien Andalou (1929) 4 / 4 (2010_12.20) - "...the dream piece is brilliant because it makes every shot count in a different way, not by merely plotting a story but by plotting the irrational structure of our dreams."

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1966) 4 / 4 (2011_06.24) - "Tura, Haji, and Lori are the exploiters and anyone that thinks differently can taste their fists and feel the spike of their heels right where the sun don’t shine."

Get Him to the Greek (2010) 2.5 / 4 (2011_06.24) - "...an egregious cameo by my least favorite character in the entire music world, Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich..."

District 9 (2009) 3 / 4 (2011_02.26) - "...a breath of fresh air for science fiction aficionados ..."

Good Hair (2009) 3 / 4 (2011_01.15) - "Watch Good Hair and you, too will see why black hair is a big, big deal."

Super Size Me (2003) 3 / 4 (2004_10.19) - "...Spurlock’s film is content merely to get its main man a hosting job between Jerry Springer and Montel Williams on syndicated television."

Pi (1998) 4 / 4 (2011_05.08) - "...a lesson to aspiring filmmakers that ideas, ingenuity, and talent are much more important than money and celebrity."

Sherlock Holmes (2009) 2.5 / 4 (2011_01.01) - "...the gayest movie of the year."

Taking Woodstock (2009) .5 / 4 (2011_02.25) - "...a boring waste of time even if you're already wasted."

Avatar (2009) 3 / 4 (2010_11.26) - "No matter its numerous shortcomings Avatar’s astounding ability to create an entirely new and interesting visual world is not to be missed."

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) 3 / 4 (2010_07.03) - "Eclipse gets down to business straight away."

 

Movie Review Archive

9 1/2 Weeks (1986) 3 / 4 (2009_02.21) - “...more character study than narrative story, and cut from the cloth of a dirty poem or erotic painting rather than a screenplay or novel, it succeeds and fails for those exact reasons.”

21 (2008) 2 / 4 (2008_07.21) - "...professional flash, absurd suspense, and a barrel of half-hearted twists to wrap the whole thing up."

300 (2007) 3 / 4 (2007_03.10) - "300 is a movie caught between overplayed seriousness, unintentional comedy, and homoerotic machismo."

1408 (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2007_11.23) - "...this is by-the-numbers poltergeist schlock and an abridged version of King’s The Shining."

A Bronx Tale (1993) 4 / 4 (2005_05.13) - "...A Bronx Tale captures a nostalgic flare giving it a deeply personal touch that enhances every aspect of its story."

Across the Universe (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_10.01) - "...a film that at times feels like the best movie of the year and at others, a hokey misstep."

A Dirty Shame (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.29) - "...as fresh and honest as a seven year olds’ first time playing doctor, even if it is just as contrived."

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990) 2 / 4 (2008_04.27) - "...it was quite an event for a prepubescent desperate for movies where girls lose their tops and four-letter words rule the day to attend such a premiere."

Alien Nation (1988) 3 / 4 (2009_10.05) - "...gritty and real in a way alien movies rarely have the nerve or behind the scenes skill to be."

American History X (1998) 1.5 / 4 (2004_02.26) - "Why present only the best aspects of the point your movie is struggling against without a fair and thoughtful rebuttal?"

American Psycho (2000) 2 / 4 (2006_12.28) - "This is the kind of over-the-top machismo that doesn’t blush at lewd threesomes where a man demands women eat each other’s assholes while he poses his toned and tanned body in the wall length mirror."

Andy Kaufman's Midnight Special (1981) 4 / 4 (2004_10.08) - "...I felt touched in a way I rarely do when I laugh as an adult."

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) 2 / 4 (2008_10.07) - "Bumbling, bratty, and wholly blistered with benign buffoonery, if you’re a bad movie connoisseur you’ll definitely appreciate its barrage of unintentional laughs and homoerotic undertones."

Apocalypto (2006) 3.5 / 4 (2009_05.29) - "...another Gibson masterpiece that deserves far more kudos than its lukewarm coverage would have you believe."

The Aristocrats (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.26) - "Unquestionably, Bob Saget alone is worth the price of admission."

As Good As It Gets (1997) 4 / 4 (2008_11.25) - “...an entertainment juggernaut that steamrolls the necessary hurdles of critical acclaim emerging as its own category of cinematic greatness.”

Auto Focus (2002) 2 / 4 (2007_05.07) - "Devoid of moralizing or making any particular point, the movie just kind of “is” in a way that we never feel anything."

Back to the Future Part II (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.19) - "...as far as enhancing the movie that inspired it by pouring on the gusto and insanity Back to the Future Part II is excellent viewing, indeed."

Batman Begins (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2008_08.27) - "...Nolan’s inability to capture either my fantastic imagination of Batman and his world or my acceptance of a real world crime fighter by constantly explaining everything is the movie’s biggest shortcoming."

Batman Returns (1992) 2 / 4 (2008_04.20) - "...because Burton does whatever he thinks looks good at the moment we’re stuck with a film whose tone is a mish-mash of inconsistencies."

Beerfest (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_09.07) - "Beerfest tries hard but inevitably falls short as raunchy guffaw fest entertainment."

Big Fish (2003) 3.5 / 4 (2004_01.17) - "Big Fish is that rare movie that manages to both dazzle and tug at the heartstrings."

Bigger, Stronger, Faster* (2008) 3 / 4 (2008_12.05) - "...Bigger, Stronger, Faster* is an enjoyable documentary that puts a human face on steroids and finally acknowledges the absurdity of our win first, ask questions later mentality."

Big Trouble in Little China (1986) 3 / 4 (2008_07.28) - "...who hasn’t dreamed that beneath the façade of San Francisco’s Chinatown lies a sinister world of rival gangs, magic wielding flying samurai, endless tunnels, lairs, and underground hide outs, and a 1,000 year old mystic named Lo-Pan who is hot and bothered to find a young hottie with green eyes?"

Blades of Glory (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_09.01) - "Like death and taxes, it seems, lousy SNL movies will forever remain a fact of life eating our minds and corrupting our souls."

Bloodsport (1988) 3 / 4 (2007_09.19) - "...Bloodsport, a movie so bad it’s terrific, or at the very least, terrifically entertaining."

Borat (2006) 4 / 4 (2006_12.10) - "...aren’t the best jokes often those that begin hilariously posturing over our favorite stereotypes until the foundation crumbles as the ones closest to home are finally unveiled? That is Borat in a nutshell."

The Book of Life (1998) 1 / 4 (2004_07.25) - "Somewhat intriguing premise, crummy execution."

Brokeback Mountain (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_01.02) - "Brokeback Mountain is about feelings that get us when we least expect them and then linger in our minds and in our hearts forever."

The Brother from Another Planet (1984) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.18) 2007 - "Part science-fiction bizarre, part social commentary, and all low-budget ‘80s chutzpa, The Brother is some funky weird entertaining shit that earns its place as indie royalty."

Bruno (2009) 1 / 4 (2009_07.18) - “...where Borat was a hoot Bruno is a stinker.”

Caddyshack (1980) 3.5 / 4 (2008_02.28) - "The untethered masters each add a distinct handprint to the proceedings yet Ramis is the one who takes it one step further with his uncompromising, out there self-indulgences."

Carnival of Souls (1962) 3 / 4 (2008_02.01) - "Carnival of Souls and I have flirted endlessly, but in the end, we’re better off as friends."

Carrie (1976) 4 / 4 (2007_10.14) - "Now that’s angst of a different color!"

Casino Royale (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_05.19) - "The great minds of Britain and The United States have finally concocted a plan to thwart terrorism once and for all: crash a high stakes poker game in Montenegro!"

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) 1.5 / 4 (2008_12.18) - “...Burton’s remake confirms one particular thing: other than his original Batman, Burton's “re-imaginings” are uniformly awful.”

Children of Men (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.27) - "Children of Men is an imaginatively ambitious, well-crafted dystopia even as it remorselessly leaves us hanging throughout, frustrated and angry yet undeniably pensive.”

Child's Play (1988) 3 / 4 (2007_10.15) - "...a very pleasing film that has earned its place as a horror classic."

The Chronicles of Narnia (2005) 3 / 4 (2007_07.08) - "...Narnia has its charms and fills a unique void as a children’s story with a positive message."

Closer (2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.30) - "...the film has a despicably shameful outlook on human nature."

Cloverfield (2008) 3 / 4 (2008_01.19) - "The Blair Witch Project may have kick started the self-broadcast everyman as documentarian phenomenon (or “making something out of nothing,” as I like to call it), and MySpace and Facebook may have brought that revolution to the masses, but Cloverfield gives the idea a 30 million dollar budget, oodles of superstar special effects flourishes, and slams it face first into the big screen, kicking ass, taking names, and blowing ear drums in the process."

Cool As Ice (1991) 1 / 4 (2007_12.09) - "Cool As Ice stinks and if you never see it for yourself you’ll surely be better off."

Dan in Real LIfe (2007) 2 / 4 (2009_02.28) - “Eh.”

The Dark Knight (2008) 4 / 4 (2008_07.30) - "The Dark Knight unquestionably brings a new level of excitement and respectability to the superhero genre that was never present before."

The Da Vinci Code (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.18) - "Howard is skillful in taking a ludicrous premise and making it entertaining."

Deck the Halls (2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.19) - "The snow is obviously fake, the story as basic and cliché as one expects, and the conclusion ridiculous camp, but for some strange miraculous reason Deck the Halls defies the odds as fun, albeit absurd entertainment."

Deuce Bigelow-European Gigolo (2005) 0 / 4 (2006_06.04) - "...there is no plot, no laughs to be had, and absolutely no reason this movie should have ever been made."

Dune (1984) 2.5 / 4 (2010_03.23) - "...an enigma within an enigma, a plan within plans, a movie that doesn’t know where or when to quit."

Enchanted (2007) 3 / 4 (2009_02.05) - “...a perfectly cast combination of little girl fairy tale meets real world romantic comedy with a twist.”

Eragon (2006) 2.5 / 4 (2007_11.13) - "It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a ventriloquist blue dragon that sounds like Rachel Weisz!"

Escape From New York (1981) 3 / 4 (2008_07.15) - "...an entertaining B-Movie whose heart is bigger than its muscle, its aspirations grander than its abilities, and its ego a fragile shell feigning confidence despite everything life’s cinematic lessons have advised."

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004) 3.5 / 4 (2004_07.13) - "As a cinematic event and informative bit of filmmaking, Fahrenheit is a must-see for all Americans."

Female Trouble (1975) 2 / 4 (2005_01.08) - "...Female Trouble is Waters’ coup de gras of filth without limits."

Fido (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.29) - "The big problem with the film is that zombie movies need to be over-the-top, especially comedies, and Fido never quite loosens its collar."

The Fifth Element (1997) 1.5 / 4 (2009_10.03) - “...believes action comedy is easily achieved with giant blaster gunfights being commentated on by a dragged out Chris Tucker.”

Flash Gordon (1980) 3 / 4 (2008_06.28) - "Like a pig in shit, Flash Gordon embraces its absurdity, pours on the decadence like few others, and never gives a damn what any critic might write."

Flatliners (1990) 2 / 4 (2010_06.25) - "...you’ll be begging for someone to pull the plug."

Footloose (1984) 2 / 4 (2007_06.02) - "...Dirty Dancing this ain't."

The Fountain (2006) 4 / 4 (2009_08.22) - “It isn't perfect but it is beautiful.”

Gas Pump Girls (1979) 1 / 4 (2008_12.21) - "...after merely twenty minutes of awkward shenanigans you, too will be certain your ribald wanting dollars would have been best spent elsewhere."

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009) 2 / 4 (2010_03.20) - "Love may be blind but in movies like this it’s stupid as well."

Ghost Town (2008) 2.5 / 4 (2008_12.24) - “...a halfway rewarding film that never quite gels enough to completely win us over.”

Glen or Glenda (1953) 2 / 4 (2004_10.24) - "Only Wood could be so bold, so brazen, and so oblivious to turn the fascinating story of the world’s first sex change patient, Christine Jorgenson, into his own personal ode to cashmere sweaters and his love for wearing women’s undergarments."

The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) 4 / 4 (2007_12.08) - "...The Gods Must Be Crazy is a special film and a prime example of a situation where all the right elements collide at precisely the right time and place... "

Gran Torino (2008) 2.5 / 4 (2009_02.14) - “...Gran Torino, directed and starring 78 year old Clint Eastwood, is not the best movie of the year but rather a misguided attempt by the older generation to understand its youth.”

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) 3.5 / 4 (2008_04.01) - "...Gremlins 2 breaks all the rules of the sophomore jinx as it proves itself one of the two most shockingly excellent and unexpected follow-up successes ever made. The other: Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. I kid you not."

Grindhouse (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_05.09) - "So much more than just a pair of movies, Grindhouse is a vulgar display of aggression, machismo, and the bizarre, every teenager’s wildest dream come true and every parent’s worst nightmare."

Hairspray (2007) 3 / 4 (2008_06.18) - "...if anyone, anyone deserves to light their cigars with $100 dollar bills and have his films celebrated by society’s entertainment elite, it's the great, the immortal, the clandestine, The Pope of Trash, himself, Mr. Baltimore, John Waters."

The Hammer (2008) 3.5 / 4 (2009_11.04) - "...a wonderful romantic comedy that scores on both fronts."

The Hangover (2009) 3.5 / 4 (2009_07.26) - “It’s a refreshing change of pace for a genre screaming for a new course.”

Happy Feet (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_10.23) - "Maybe some prefer their cartoon films American Idol style but I certainly do not."

High Fidelity (2000) 3 / 4 (2004_08.09) - "High Fidelity is a good movie but it could have been so much more."

The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 1 / 4 (2008_01.11) - "Come on, guys, just because a film’s subject matter is crap doesn’t mean the film, itself must be stupid, too."

Hostel (2005) 3 / 4 (2009_01.25) - “It’s time to get medieval on your ass.”

Hotel Rwanda (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_03.26) - "Never preachy, chock full of information, and expertly crafted, Hotel Rwanda is a masterpiece."

Hulk (2004) .5 / 4 (2004_06.24) - "...Ang Lee’s Hulk is one of the worst movies I have ever seen."

I Am Legend (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2008_12.14) - "I Am Legend is a poor man's Night of the Living Dead."

Idiocracy (2006) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.18) - "...for those willing to see beyond the dick and fart jokes and understand why they are being told and where they are coming from, there is much to admire in Idiocracy."

I Heart Huckabees (2004) .5 / 4 (2004_11.06) - "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

The House Bunny (2008) 1 / 4 (2010_03.09) - "...Faris has talent and I hope to see her again. Only next time I hope it’s in a better movie."

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull (2008) 3.5 / 4 (2008_05.28) - "...The Crystal Skull merges the disparity of archaeological swashbuckling and alien autopsies with expert precision, a great sense of humour, and still gives us that tried and true thrilling Indian Jones experience."

Inglorious Basterds (2009) 2.5 / 4 (2009_08.21) - "...loses its way because its writer/director is more obsessed with paying homage to his favorite films and reveling in his obsessions with film in general than in creating truly interesting and memorable characters and a consistent plot."

Inside Deep Throat (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_03.01) - "...for all the excitement Deep Throat provided the citizens of 1972 its documentary counterpart is better served as mere background material, hardly an event in and of itself."

Iron Man (2008) 3 / 4 (2008_11.28) - "Iron Man is a lesson in casting over concept..."

Jackass Number 2 (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.05) 2006 - "Jackass Number 2 is stupid, idiotic fun."

JCVD (2008) 3 / 4 (2009_09.20) - “...mind bogglingly obtuse, unequivocally absurd, and surprisingly moving all at the same time.”

Jersey Girl (2004) 2 / 4 (2004_09.27) - "By the end, nearly all characters seem to resemble fish and all I could see on screen was their exhaustive flopping."

Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008) 2 / 4 (2008_11.16) - "...I laughed, I flinched, and I certainly groaned on more than one occasion."

Juno (2007) 4 / 4 (2008_01.06) - "Even though it features a smorgasbord of off-kilter, hipster lingo, it nonetheless creates a bevy of characters so true I swear I have seen them in my own life.”

Just Friends (2005) 3 / 4 (2009_10.31) - "Don’t tell anyone but… I loved it!"

The Karate Kid Part III (1989) 2 / 4 (2005_02.17) - "Ludicrousness this bad and this good is not to be missed or discarded after merely one viewing."

Kill Bill Volume 2 (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_09.13) - "...it has its moments but sometimes the film had me thinking about things other than the movie at hand, and in particular, how much more I enjoyed Volume 1 than its successor."

King Kong (2005) 2/ 4 (2006_01.01) - "Maybe Peter Jackson still has something to learn from George Lucas after all."

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007) 4 / 4 (2009_05.23) - “...one couldn’t ask for a more perversely entertaining bit of silliness.”

Knocked Up (2007) .5 / 4 (2007_12.08) - “...every time anyone opens their mouths the asinine things they say are obviously coming from a smarmy screen writer rather than a thoughtfully created character.”

Kung Pow! Enter the Fist (2002) .5 / 4 (2005_08.21) - "...Oedekerk has once again shown he has interesting concepts but destroys them with tireless and tiresome repetition, inevitably what his films are really about."

Lady in the Water (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11) - "Lady in the Water... fights off easy criticism as this very entertaining film sucks you in."

License to Wed (2007) 1 / 4 (2007_10.08) - "License to Wed is Meet the Preacher with Robin Williams playing the role of the short, loud, obnoxious guy instead of Ben Stiller."

Little Children (2006) 2 / 4 (2009_02.12) - “...what are any of these people doing other than what the script demands?”

Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 4 / 4 (2008_01.09) - "Give me a movie about realistic family social dynamics, strange yet familiar characters, the pursuit of dreams gone awry, and throw in a road trip as the cherry on top and I’ll write you a positive review."

Love Actually (2006) 3 / 4 (2004_06.23) - "...fans of romantic comedies will surely enjoy this movie and its sweeping theme that “All You Need is Love.”

Loverboy (1989) 2 / 4 (2009_02.18) - “...Loverboy, the movie that forever made me dream of delivering pizzas with extra anchovies to hot housewives eager to give more than a tip for my services.

Mamma Mia! (2008) 1 / 4 (2008_11.12) - "Just because the people making a movie are having fun doesn’t mean I have to enjoy watching them."

Man on Wire (2008) 2 / 4 (2009_05.10) - “...for all the film’s expert craftsmanship it would have been better suited as a 30-minute affair rather than an hour and a half melodrama.”

Marie Antoinette (2006) 2 / 4 (2009_08.31) - “...a heaping dose of eye-candy tedium without a will, a way, or a point.”

The Matador (2005) 3.5 / 4 (2006_01.26) - "Come for the Pierce Brosnan, stay for the excellent and entertaining film courtesy of writer/director Richard Shepard."

Me & You & Everyone We Know (2005) .5 / 4 (2007_10.01) - "Me & You & Everyone We Know is the prototypical movie loved by critics and hated by you."

Mister Woodcock (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2008_08.14) - "...Mister Woodcock will make you laugh. If it doesn’t, then maybe you deserve to be smacked in the crotch by Woodcock, too."

Murderball (2005) 3 / 4 (2009_06.18) - “...Murderball shows us truth, humour, and sincerity in all its forms.”

Music and Lyrics (2007) 2.5 / 4 (2008_01.01) - "If only the film accepted that it was a slapstick comedy rather than a romantic comedy than it could have been really good.”

Napoleon Dynamite (2004) 2.5 / 4 (2004_06.21) - "Napoleon and his bevy of family and neighbors are the clueless dolts I imagine those who feverishly relish this movie will enjoy mocking, not because they like or can relate to Napoleon, but because they enjoy being in on a joke without being its butt."

National Treasure (2004) 1 / 4 (2005_11.12) - "The movie isn’t even mindless entertainment; it is just mindless."

Night of the Comet (1984) 3 / 4 (2009_03.27) - “...memorably awkward.”

The Omega Man (1971) 1 / 4 (2009_10.03) - “...I suspect being drunk won’t be enough to save a viewer from the agony of watching the Omega Man.”

Orgazmo! (1997) 2.5 / 4 (2004_11.06) - "...we, the audience, are treated to not one, not two, but an entire Mariachi Band of hairy asses smack dab in front of the screen."

Pan's Labrynth (2006) 4 / 4 (2007_10.04) - "...a grand, well-told fairy tale film that perfectly captures the grandiosity of a child’s imagination."

Paranormal Activity (2007) 2.5 / 4 (2009_11.27) - They only come out at night.

The Passion of the Christ (2004) 4 / 4 (2007_02.18) - "...if a movie is to be judged by how well it portrays the vision of its creator then The Passion is unequivocally a major success."

Pauly Shore is Dead (2003) 2 / 4 (2005_01.21) - "...that Pauly was in Boston promoting his self-made movie with middle fingers raised to Hollywood definitely gives him more common man cred than your average pampered fallen celebrity (even if he did walk out on his own film’s showing before it ended. For shame, Pauly!)."

Pink Flamingos (1972) No Rating (2004_08.28) - "For once, a movie that lives up to its billing even while we sometimes hope it does not."

Point Break (1991) 4 / 4 (2010_01.26) - "...you’ll be begging for more."

The Prestige (2006) 2 / 4 (2007_04.07) - "Clones? Are you kidding me? Clones!?"

Pretty Woman (1990) 4 / 4 (2007_11.18) - "Pretty Woman isn’t a perfect film, but it is perfectly entertaining and stands the test of time with flying colors."

Primer (2004) 3 / 4 (2010_04.17) - "...a believable look at how most of the world’s great inventions come to be: as the happenstance by-product of completely unrelated research."

The Producers (2005) 2 / 4 (2007_11.17) - "...the complete vision of this cinematic effort doesn’t quite equal the talent of its cast and leads to an average picture that fails to live up to its potential."

The Queen (2006) 1.5 / 4 (2007_07.28) - "Regardless of the story I'd prefer to see, the story we do see is lousy and condescending."

Religulous (2008) 2.5 / 4 (2009_04.18) - “...Religulous is so bent on slandering religion it misses the bigger picture.”

Requiem for a Heavyweight (1962) 4 / 4 (2010_01.02) - "...as heartbreaking as it is poignant and true."

The Ringer (2005) 2.5 / 4 (2007_12.23) - "Just when you thought getting kicked in the balls by a gaggle of children and being shot into a lake riding a make-shift rocket were the greatest heights of Johnny Knoxville’s career...”

Roadhouse (1989) 3 / 4 (2007_10.02) - "...there is no doubt anyone who has seen this film is not likely to ever forget it. And that’s a good thing!"

Robocop (1987) 4 / 4 (2007_06.25) - "Only in the 1980s do we get ludicrousness this good and Verhoeven’s masterpiece is one of the best."

Robot Monster (1953) No Rating (2004_06.23) - "...gimmicks, strange monsters, bizarre pseudo-scientific philosophizing, stock footage, scantily clad (for the time) helpless women, and a male lead who takes his shirt off without reason (and then keeps it off for nearly half the movie)."

Rocky Balboa (2006) 3 / 4 (2007_01.11) - "...the more you consider how this final Rocky installment could have gone, the more you’ll appreciate that Stallone’s approach is nothing short of perfect."

Role Models (2008) 3 / 4 (2010_01.28) - "...it succeeds because it is not nearly as crass, hip, or obnoxious as it would like to be..."

Saved! (2003) 3.5 / 4 (2006_03.09) - "Not since Welcome to the Dollhouse have I viewed a teenage comedy/drama this interesting."

Say Anything (1989) 3.5 / 4 (2007_09.28) - "...what separates Say Anything from the slew of similar films of the time is the gentleness with which it treats its characters."

The Secret of My Success (1987) 3 / 4 (2008_11.19) - "Too idiotic to believe, too goofy to take serious, and too feverish to catch its breath (save the inevitable overdramatic ‘80s interludes) Success is go with the flow, suspension of disbelief fun that gets more entertaining the more you’re able to loosen your collar and laugh at its ludicrousness."

Secret Window (2004) 2.5 / 4 (2007_05.07) - "Gadzooks, this may be the pulpy cinematic presentation the King faithful have been hankering for."

Sin City (2005) 4 / 4 (2006_02.22) - "Sin City is a visually stunning creative masterpiece."

Sleepless in Seattle (1993) 3.5 / 4 (2007_11.24) - "Sure, Sleepless pretty much shits on the nice guy with minimal personality who loses his girl over her exotic fantasies, but since Bill Pullman doesn’t seem to mind why should we?"

Snakes on a Plane (2006) .5 / 4 (2007_09.16) - "Like a deodorant averse, aggressively oblivious president of the Dungeons and Dragons Club desperately trying to win the affection of his high school’s head cheerleader, Snakes on a Plane is a self-consciously desperate act of stupidity."

Soylent Green (1973) 2 / 4 (2009_09.09) - “...packed with interesting though half-baked ideas delivered in a flimsy, unrealistic manner.”

Spaceballs (1987) 3 / 4 (2007_09.11) - "...Spaceballs, the 1987 Star Wars knock-off produced at least five years too late but nonetheless a memorably ridiculous science-fiction spoof extraordinaire."

Spellbound (2002) 1.5 / 4 (2007_04.25) - "...it’s a study of numerous stereotypes in the most obvious fashion."

Spider-Man 3 (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2009_02.06) - “...If Spider-Man 3 exists but no one watches it, can we pretend it doesn’t? I sure hope so.”

Stuck on You (2003) 3 / 4 (2005_01.26) - "I dare you not to smile."

Sunshine Cleaning (2008) 1.5 / 4 (2009_09.04) - “...Sunshine Cleaning should be ashamed of itself for painting women with such detrimentally broad and unfair strokes.”

Superman Returns (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_02.20) - "...it is slow yet unevenly paced, gives action that is more mechanical than breathtaking, and forces romance that is about as romantic as watching frogs lick each other’s warts."

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) 3.5 / 4 (2007_12.31) - "...a mesmerizing soufflé that will have you gasping, chuckling, and perhaps even squeezing the hand of the theatergoer next to you, even if you don’t know him or her.”

Sweet November (2001) 1 / 4 (2010_03.16) - "No one says 'no' to Keanu Reeves!"

Team America: World Police (2004) 3 / 4 (2004_11.21) - "From the namby-pamby liberals to the fake-tough conservatives no one is safe from Parker’s cavalcade of real and fictional puppets and their obscenity laced diatribes."

Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines (2003) 2.5 / 4 (2005_06.20) - "...an exercise in cinematic action without the brain to make it worthwhile."

Thank You For Smoking (2005) 2 / 4 (2006_05.27) - "Thank You seems much longer than the advertised 92 minutes and is far less entertaining than the two-minute trailer."

There Will Be Blood (2007) 3 / 4 (2008_02.02) - "...Anderson once again reaches for the heavens but sadly, only makes it as far as Mars."

Titan A.E. (2000) 3 / 4 (2009_02.23) - “...Titan A.E. is packed with so many stunning visuals and a tremendously clever overarching theme that the poor plot details are easily forgotten.”

The Toxic Avenger (1984) 3 / 4 (2009_02.11) - “...creeps, weirdoes, gluttons, fetishists, and all manner of monstrosity are on full whimsical display in this horror camp extravaganza.”

Twilight (2008) 3 / 4 (2009_06.02) - “...all the shades of forbidden love, longing stares, parental gymnastics, and a timeless sense of teenage urgency are on full display.”

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) 2 / 4 (2009_11.24) - The wolf's out of the bag: New Moon is a clunker.

Tyson (2008) 2 / 4 (2009_05.23) - “...Toback’s method creates a one trick Tyson pony that is more caricature than real life human being.”

Unbreakable (2000) 3.5 / 4 (2007_04.15) - "...without relying on the outlandish twists and turns that often distract from the humanity of his tales, Unbreakable just may be M. Night Shyamalan’s best work."

V for Vendetta (2005) 2 / 4 (2007_10.03) - "...who ordered the chatty terrorist, I mean hero, with the creepy Guy Fawkes mask and the penchant for classic swashbuckling?"

Videodrome (1983) 4 / 4 (2008_06.26) - "…the godfather of all mental clusterfucks…"

The Village (2004) 2 / 4 (2004_08.13) - "That “those we don’t speak of” are spoken of about a hundred times throughout the film is the first and best indicator that this plodding fraud of entertainment is setting us up for the biggest let down since Fonzie tried to water ski over a shark in Happy Days."

Waitress (2007) 1.5 / 4 (2007_10.08) - "Waitress is sure to be a movie women will love, critics will praise, and every man will roll his eyes in disgust at as he feels the immediate need to slip Showgirls: The Unrated Edition into the DVD player."

Wall Street (1987) 3.5 / 4 (2010_02.28) - "…rules are for chumps afraid to face the truth."

The Warriors (1979) 2.5 / 4 (2008_11.09) - "...rather than excite, stir our intellect, or reflect on anything meaningful or worthwhile it is instead a dopey phony exercise in fake tough machismo and a ludicrous display of inorganic film making that thinks it is believable and poignant when it is anything but."

Watchmen (2009) 2.5 / 4 (2010_01.16) - "The film moves the superhero genre in a new direction…"

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994) 3.5 / 4 (2008_05.04) - "Wes Craven’s Scream may have been the film to rejuvenate the horror genre with its in-jokes and self-referential winks, but New Nightmare was the film that provided the template."

What Happens in Vegas (2008) 1 / 4 (2009_04.08) - “...'sweaty ball topping' is indeed the height of this lame, clichéd, miserably acted monstrosity.”

The Wicker Man (2006) 1 / 4 (2007_10.10) - "Question: if Leelee Sobieski and James Franco had a child together would it be the most beautiful looking person ever? Oh never mind… Nic Cage in a bear suit!"

Wings of Desire (1987) 3.5 / 4 (2007_02.08) - "The film shows instead of tells with every image delicately crafted to symbolize, illuminate, or at times merely ponder."

The Wrestler (2008) 4 / 4 (2009_01.13) - "...director Darren Aronofsky takes the simple story of a man who was once at the top of a very specific niche, the world of professional wrestling, but has since fallen to depressing lows and makes it a universal truth."

Zapped! (1982) .5 / 4 (2009_02.21) - “Merely writing “Scott Baio/Willie Aames vehicle” should have been enough to red flag Zapped! from the get go.”

Zoolander (2001) .5 / 4 (2004_02.09) - "Funny that Zoolander, a movie about fashion and style, has none..."


 

 

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Rating System
3 or Higher = Recommended
4 A Masterpiece
3.5 Excellent
3 Good
2.5 Pretty Good
2 Average
1.5 Unimpressive
1 Bad
.5 Horrendous
0 Shoot Me Now!

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Movie Articles

(September 16, 2009)
Undependent Media pays its respects to one of our favorite actors from the '80s and '90s who died this week at age 57: Patrick Swayze Tribute

(November 16, 2007)
Guest commentator, Maria Walsh, lays the smack down on some truly horrific cinematic accents (and describes her wishes for a few more). From Hell: The Eight Accents of the Apocalypse

(June 22, 2007) -
Scott Muoio takes a tour down memory lane recounting his favorite cinematic antagonists:
Muoio's Favorite Movie Villains

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Directors Pauly Shore and Scott Muoio trade war stories in front of the camera, Boston, MA, 1/21/2005.

Shore and Muoio pose for a blurry photo at The Coolidge Corner Theater.

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Great Movie Quotes

"I think I'll miss you most of all." - The Wizard of Oz

"It's not tragic to die doing what you love." - Point Break

"Get your paws off me you damn dirty ape!" - Planet of the Apes

"What is the second password?" "I... I don't know." "There is no second password!" - Eyes Wide Shut

"I'm going to save the world with my acting." - Team America: World Police

"It's like leather." - Reptilicus

"I don't want to talk about it." - The Gods Must Be Crazy

"Don't just stare at it, eat it!" - American Psycho

"I can't quit you." - Brokeback Mountain

"Did he say making f%ck?" - Clerks

"Kill 'em with kindness!" - The Last Temptation of Douglas Small

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Our Favorite Movies

The Karate Kid

Point Break

Eyes Wide Shut

2001: A Space Odyssey

Braveheart

The Naked Gun

'80s flicks where geeks battle jocks and girls lose their tops.

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Are you a producer or director? Have a movie you'd like us to review? Contact ScottMuoio@ undependentmedia.com and he'll be glad to take a peek.

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Check out our idol's site, the greatest movie critic of all-time:

Roger Ebert

 

Another reviewer whose critiques always get to the point in a most fascinating manner:

FileThirteen

 

View a Seattle company doing psychotronic a world of good:

Galaxaco

 

 

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