Weezer

The Red Album

June 07, 2008

By Mr. Marlowe

** / ****

Released 2008

It seems Rivers Cuomo, lead singer and main tunesmith in Weezer, has gotten a bit delusional in his old age. For some reason, this sensitive, nerd prototype has the same delusions as your typical hip-hop/thug/pimp. That is to say, Cuomo imagines himself a “troublemaker,” “the greatest man alive,” and a “playa,” and anyone who doesn’t like it can “shove it.” Apparently, however, everyone does like it, or at least that’s how the lyrics go.

Now perhaps all this Cuomo big talk isn’t sincere but rather that troubling artistic insurance policy known as irony. Maybe Cuomo’s gentle winks at pop culture obsessive bloggers are a big ruse and rather than mere wallowing, contain this hidden message: “Nerds of the world unite!” Is Cuomo truly saying, “The hip-hop world isn’t the only one that can “play cool”… geeks can “play cool,” too!” It certainly seems that way. And if indie music culture is any indication, that playing cool is indeed happening, and in droves.

On the other hand, perhaps all that name-dropping like a muthafucka act is as blatantly emo sappy, self-referential as Heart Songs declares. Weezer did after all set the blue print emo has followed the past 14 years. And what’s “playing cool” really without an emotional vomit session now and again? Think about it. And then forget it. Quickly.

Metaphysical nonsense aside, Weezer is, has been, and probably always will be precision pop craftsmen. For 14 years that has been their bread and butter. And like their pervious efforts, The Red Album, their third and latest eponymous undertaking, has its share of fun moments. It isn’t good, not by a long shot, but it does do just enough to overcome any irony vs. sincerity conundrums the lyrics repetitively raise. Let the nerd cool act begin!

Take Pork and Beans, for example. Despite its horrible title, Beans has some nice riffs, signature Weezer overlapping vocals, and enough spirit to make me forget the unfinished vibe I get every time I listen to it. It’s a decent tune, for sure, and one that recalls Weezer’s heyday even if it never quite reaches those heights and remains bogged down in distracting pop culture nudges.

The Greatest Man in the World is by far the oddest tune on the disc, a strange cross between Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody and Green Day’s Jesus of Suburbia, though not in either’s class. Here Cuomo doctors up an old Quaker song while employing every musical trick Weezer has ever previously attempted (and a few new ones). Greatest Man is a gallant attempt at creating a mega-song but quickly becomes a disappointing misstep as it unwraps faster than a sweater with a loose string. Between the canned cheering, police sirens, sing-speak crooning, grungy guitars, wink-wink lyrics, and overzealous harmonizing this song is like a crummy mash-up you might hear floating around on the Internet. Disappointing, indeed.

Then there’s The Angel and The One, the last song on the album and probably the best on the album. Weighty, building, and with a swelling chorus, The Angel and The One could easily be a song regularly performed on American Idol. “What!?” you say. “ It can’t be!” But yes, it is! Let me explain. The Angel and The One is a pleasant, heart-wrenching song perfectly ripe for teenage “getting it on” sessions but tempered just enough to be forgotten five seconds after it’s heard. And those qualities are exactly what American Idol-style music is all about. Now whether Weezer wants to believe The Angel and The One fits that criterion is not for me to know. But maybe, just maybe that’s the point. And strangely, I sort of suspect it is.

I ask you, dear reader, is it possible that Rivers Cuomo has finally found his niche as a participant in next season’s American Idol? Consider: wouldn’t Rivers look great on that FOX stage with his thick glasses, cowboy hat, lightning bolt guitar strap, and overwrought sincerity peppered with a dash of smarm and awwww shucks irony? Sure, going by his driver’s license I suppose he is a little too old for the show but if The Red Album and in particular, The Angel and The One are any indication, his music would fit in perfectly. And dammit, I think he might just be able to win the whole damn thing. Don’t you? I say, “Get that man next to Ryan Seacrest, STAT!”

Now imagine if Cuomo really did show up on Idol. You know the nerd cool playa geek alliance would be up in arms, desperately debating if they should scorn their beloved Weezer, brand them sell-outs, or instead praise them for sticking it to “The Man.” But why chastise a band for maturing to American Idol status when their work has always been a strange mix of 13 going on 67 thinking? After all, teens and old-timers love American Idol, and Cuomo has always been an odd cross between someone’s Grampa and a whimpering teen. So why scorn a band that has grown into the only thing they ever could have become? Now maybe, maybe as an American Idol contestant Cuomo’s story could finally reach the apex he has always lamentably yet enthusiastically expected from his music. And then, surely he can chronicle the entire experience in a song, a la The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. It could happen. It really could happen… But I digress…

The Red Album’s most interesting experiment isn’t about Rivers Cuomo at all. Ironic, isn’t it? Thought I Knew finds guitarist Brian Bell taking over vocal duties while a drum machine keeps time. I like it. It’s a noble effort and the best change of pace on an album that tries to mix things up often but instead trips repeatedly. Listening to the song on repeat it sort of reminds me of Albert Hammond’s solo work last year, though not quite as good. But again: it is fun, and in pop music that’s half the battle.

And then there’s everything else on the album…

Troublemaker might as well have been named, We’ve Heard This Before because it is as by-the-numbers Weezer as I have ever heard. Booooorrrrrrrring.

Everybody Get Dangerous has the lyric “boo-yah” as part of its chorus. Need I write more?

Oddities occur near the end of the album when bassist Scott Shriner and drummer Pat Wilson pick up vocal duties on Cold Dark World and Automatic, respectively. Gadzooks! The former makes it seem as if Nickelback met Matchbox Twenty and decided not to produce a hit and Cold Dark World was the result. The latter is straight out of the Cheap Trick playbook, for better and worse. Together, these tunes are simple, generic sounding missteps that bring nothing to the party. And speaking of parties, the strangest element of The Red Album is it’s bizarre case of decade confusion. Talk about party crashing, I’m not sure which decades were invited and which snuck in. Whatever the case, the whole thing becomes quite a bit of confusion.

A case can certainly be made that The Red Album acts obsessed with ‘90s nostalgia, Teendom, and current pop culture semantics but sounds like 1970s Album Oriented Rock minus the big, overarching concepts. The aforementioned Automatic, along with Everybody Get Dangerous and Dreamin’, in particular, are so craptastic (in a bad way) and obvious Cheap Trick clones I think the band might have a possible lawsuit on their hands. Forget Nirvana, whose Nevermind gets referenced in Heart Songs as the album that changed Rivers Cuomo’s life, it was 1970s AOR that was the biggest influence on Weezer’s music. Cuomo may state otherwise, but I’m not buying it. And neither should you.

In all fairness, I don’t hate the new Weezer. Not by a long shot. But I don’t like it either. No doubt, Weezer continues to make decent, catchy pop songs and they are always able to bring the chorus as good or better than anyone in contemporary music. It’s just that The Red Album lacks the power, imagination, and passion of Weezer’s first two efforts or for that matter the efforts of many other new bands and old timers much more worthy of your attention. Maybe that doesn’t come across to their fans that are dying for “The Return of Weezer,” but I’m not blinded by that particular light. Don’t get me wrong, The Red Album is OK for what it is, a generic pop/rock album obsessed with popular culture. It’s just that pop culture oriented music, particularly the most generic, is generally just that: fifteen minutes of fun, easily forgotten, filled with lots of filler, and destined for record store re-sell bins everywhere. Rarely is there soul, originality, or heart in The Red Album and that’s precisely what the Weezerites are really wanting from their favorite band. Because they’re so desperate for a self-titled Weezer masterpiece they may pretend otherwise, but the one with the red background isn’t it.

Weezer is better than The Red Album. Or at least, they were. Maybe 8 years from now they’ll release The Orange Album and truly find themselves reborn. Until then, American Idol seems most appropriate.

Best Songs: Pork and Beans, The Angel and The One, Thought I Knew