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by Hal Clarke

Poor, poor Mike Tirico. Having to sit next to blowhards Tony Kornheiser and Ron Jaworski for three straight hours must be hell. While I have the option to turn off the television at anytime, not so for Tirico. Instead, Tirico must listen to these two imbeciles joust with one another over who is the more knowledgeable professional football loudmouth. And you know who is? Neither. Good God, I hope Tirico gets paid a lot of money having to deal with these dopes on a regular basis.

I bring this up not to bring attention to Kornheiser or Jaworski, God knows they don’t deserve any publicity. Instead, I mention their names because, as of late I have been on a crusade to bring to light some of the most horrible play-by-play and color commentators currently ruining televised sports. Add Kornheiser and Jaworski to my list. Listening to them call the Seahawks/49ers game on ESPN’s Monday Night Football November 12th, I felt thoroughly disgusted. Quite simply, they suck.

Why do they suck? Their atrociousness begins and ends with their arrogance. Jerk #1 is Kornheiser, the prototypical pencil-neck geek. Kornheiser acts like the high school nerd who got wedgies every day and now has his chance for revenge. By cutting on professional athletes, going on argumentative tangents, and trying his damndest to ‘wow’ us by proving his intelligence Tony is the antagonistic little runt that seizes every chance he can to be heard no matter what is happening during the game in front of him.

Kornheiser’s counter, Jaworski, falls on the opposite side of the pendulum but is equally as annoying. Where Kornheiser’s idiocy is wholly book and television learned, Jaworski draws his ignorance purely from the playing field. A prototypical loudmouthed, bullying jock, Jaworski yells and screams over Kornheiser and is always up for a fight. Both act as if they should be coaching both teams, officiating the action, as well working the NFL’s front office and doing the team’s scouting. Together, the two know-nothings trade barbs and ‘insights’ while constantly trying to one up each other by proclaiming in the most infallible, absolute terms this, that, and everything in between. Meanwhile, poor Tirico is left trying to relay the actual goings-on we see on the field as well bringing a little class to the proceedings. No such luck, however, when clowns of this magnitude get microphones in the their hands.

My solution: turn off the volume each and every time I hear those ingratiating voices. It isn’t a perfect solution, but it’ll do. In the meantime, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that we see as little of them in the future as possible. Heaven knows it would be best for all of us.

My Ongoing List of Crappy Sports Commentators

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Want to defend these lousy commentators? Or maybe you agree. Shoot me an Email: halclarke@undependentmedia.com

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