"Peacocking." "Opening a set." "Showing value to the target." "Qualifying." "Negs." It took but one episode of VH1's The Pick-Up Artist to have me wondering, "what strange world have I landed in?" But leave it to Mystery, the Tommy Lee look-a-like and mentor of eight "lovable losers" to set me straight on the art of seduction. VH1 presents The Mystery Method, a can't fail technique to improve one's self-worth and woo the ladies. And boy, does it ever.

The Pick-Up Artist is a reality television program where Mystery and his "wingmen," J Dog and Matador, train eight average dudes on the art of attracting women. Think Anthony Robbins with a labido. Seriously.

The concept, while certainly silly (eliminations, challenges, and ritual ceremonies), has more to it than at first meets the eye. One by one the budding libertines work their way through the Mystery program either getting dismissed from the show or working their way up the lady-killer ladder to its pinnacle with one man eventually becoming "The Master Pick-Up Artist." Chincy looking medallions are handed out along the while the contestants ball like babies with each "game" improvement they make. By utilizing Mystery's methods "in-field," a funny term for picking up women in bars, clubs, and on the street, the "lovable losers" grow from dorky dweebs to confident silver tongued lotharios, or at least that's what Mystery tells them.

The program succeeds in spite of itself not because it is a particularly good show or because it is doing a noble service to eight incapable misfits (I have a feeling, like most Reality TV, many of these dudes aren't as incapable as they are letting on). Rather, the show sucks you in because Mystery makes many very good points on communication basics, simple notions that can be applied to most aspects of our lives. Sure, one can dismiss the show as mindless entertainment, chauvinistic drivel, or simply a giant waste of time but those nifty tips are life lessons anyone could put to goo duse. I kid you not.

The underlying idea in Mystery's method is that women are attracted to men they see as having high "value." Physical strength, appealing looks, money, integrity, humour, and on and on all figure into the equation of what constitutes an attractive man so long as that man exudes a confidence and self-worth that makes him legitimately worthy of her effort. Likewise, a man is attracted to a woman for similar reasons. However, where a man's approach to attraction differs from a woman is in how he makes his intentions known. And that, my dear Don Juans, is Mystery's focus over the program's eight episode span. Though we never really get the woman's point of view on all this, with VH1 pulling the strings an inevitable female spin-off will surely find its way to television very soon.

Back to technique... according to Mystery there are three phases to engaging a person whose affections you are seeking to win: Attraction, Comfort, and Seduction. Mixing or deviating from any specific phase will likely result in a negative reaction from the "target" and is therefore inadvisable. The phases go as follows:

Attraction Phase:

"Peacocking" - setting yourself apart from others in your appearance is extremely encouraged by Mystery. Differentiating yourself is useful in gaining attention as well "opening a set," which is Mystery-speak for breaking the ice, in other words, working your way into a group of ladies and their conversation. To succeed in peacocking you must not only stand out, but must also be confident in your appearance. Otherwise, your flamboyant appearance will be a phoney and pathetic attempt at being someone you are not rather than an interesting attention getter.

"Canned material" - everyone needs a reason to talk to another and Mystery recommends predetermined material over winging it. This doesn't mean "lines" such as "do you come here often?" or "what's your sign?" but instead clever twists on these overplayed cliched introductions. Think something like this: "I'm looking for a female opinion on something: do you floss before or after you brush your teeth?" The key here is to present yourself as interesting and to draw your "target" into your world.

"Negs" - perhaps the most tricky aspect of The Mystery Method, "negs" are back-handed comments toward a "target" meant to create tension and further the attraction of the woman toward the man. Without insulting or denigrating, an effective "neg" puts the man on an even playing field with his target woman by showing that she isn't above him no matter how beautiful, intelligent, or witty she may be. Think of it as a less harsh way than how the rebel Bender insulted the Molly Ringwald character Claire in The Breakfast Club and how it ultimately put him on even ground and won him her affections.

"Show value" - this is where a man shows that he is worth while of a woman's attention here and now as well in the future. He must show interest in the woman but not because of her looks. This is crucial. He must also not show too much interest and hence desperation. One of Mystery's methods in conveying this is to use clever body language in introducing yourself and start with the canned material (you should not begin with the standard "my name is..." in most cases). The body language includes never face a woman straight on, lean back if sitting down, look over your shoulder when initially addressing her, etc.

Comfort Phase:

"Multiple threading" - this is, in my opinion, the most useful bit of information from Mystery. Key to engaging a person in effective and enjoyable conversation is the technique of "multiple threading." This doesn't mean continuously asking a person question after question after question, but instead effectively transitioning from topic to topic over the course of a conversation because you are both interested in the process of conversing as well the topics you discuss. This is where the real you comes out and the interaction transforms from the initial Attraction Phase to the Comfort Phase. By far the most crucial phase in gaining the trust of a potential partner this phase may take several hours or even weeks and months to successfully complete. In my personal experience I have seen friends spend years working their way into the good graces of a female eventually moving into the final phase.

"Kino" - short for kinostetics this involves using a few gentle touches to inform a woman that you are comfortable with her. "Kino escalation" is the method of advancing the touches in a manner where she can feel comfortable to do the same with you as well to convey that you are interested in her looks as well as her personality.

Seduction Phase:

This is the stage of a relationship where a pair moves from friends to more than friends and should always be a natural progression from The Comfort Phase. If the woman feints disinterest when the man suggests moving the relationship to the next level then Mystery promotes a "freeze-out." This means the man should agree with his friend that perhaps it is not the right time to move to the next phase of the relationship. I believe the text books refer to this as "reverse psychology."

Ignore for a moment the funny lingo, the gratuitous purple cowboy hat, and the silly eyeliner and I think you'll find that much of what Mystery stresses about body language, being comfortable with another person, and taking initial interest beyond a woman's looks is good advice no matter the situation. Whether you like him and believe he's an honest and forthright man, you think he's a manipulator and a womanizer, or perhaps feel he's just a dude looking for his fifteen minutes of fame, it is difficult to completely dismiss the guy's clever presentation and unmitigated chutzpah. No matter his intentions, the guy has some very poignant advice and is damn entertaining to boot. Personally, I'm happy to begin and end my seduction lesson with this little dose of VH1 Celebreality, but for those budding charlatains seeking further information on this warped world of seduction semantics and the art of pick-up the Neil Strauss book The Game seems a good next step. Strauss's book compiles a lot of this silliness and seems #1 on the reading list of the "seduction community." And yes, the "seduction community" is a real group, as crazy as that may seem. Either way, do what you must, just don't tell 'em Hal Clarke sent ya; I've got enough women hating me already!