Muoio's
Favorite Movie Villains
June 22, 2007
by Scott
Muoio
Chris Corde as the
misunderstood Jersey Devil in Muoio's own Leeds Family Legacy.
The smile betrays his true evil.
Scott Muoio takes a tour down
memory lane recounting his all-time favorite cinematic antagonists.
We’re not talking anti-heroes here (which gives logic to
excusing cinematic giants like Tura Satana, et. all), we’re
talking cretins, louts, and evil S.O.Bs, sometimes all at the
same time. Below are my favorites, those bad guys I love to hate.
#12 David as played by Kiefer Sutherland
in “The Lost Boys” (1987)
Before he became an invincible anti-terrorism
agent on the small screen, Sutherland the younger was a blood-sucking
vampire on the big one. His role as David, leader of a teenage
band of vampires in Santa Carla, “the murder capital of
the world,” is one that still makes my skin crawl. In an
age before Buffy, Sutherland’s character opened up the world
to the idea of vampire cool. Stalking the unsuspecting denizens
of the beach and boardwalk on his dirt bike, David was the epitome
of ‘80s rad and set the standard for much of the vampire
look and feel that was to follow. Today The Lost Boys is an ‘80s
classic and Sutherland is a big part of the reason why.
Famous line: “Come with us, Michael.”
#11 Norman Bates as played by Anthony
Perkins in “Psycho” (1960)
The effeminately creepy mamma’s boy
is one of Alfred Hitchcock’s finest characters. Played to
perfection by Anthony Perkins, Bates is one loopy bird you certainly
wouldn’t want to tangle with even under the most mundane
of circumstances. Appearing almost completely harmless, looks
can certainly be deceiving. Just ask Janet Leigh. On the other
hand, don’t ask her, she’s dead.
Famous Line: “I think I must have one
of those faces you can’t help believing.”
#10 Agent Smith as played by Hugo Weaving
in “The Matrix” (1999)
This man in black computer terminator is a
ruthless, cunning, just won’t quit hoot. Patrolling the
imaginary world of The Matrix with an angry scowl, Agent Smith
defines the term “obsessive compulsive” with his bitter
detest for what he calls nothing more than a virus, humankind.
There have been other robot baddies who appear human, but few
can match the sinister Smith for downright evil intentions.
Famous Line: “Mister Anderson.”
#09 Douglas Neidermeyer as played by Mark Metcalf in “Animal
House” (1978)
That “sneaky little shit,” Douglas
Neidermeyer, is ROTC freak of the century. Always in uniform and
always prepared to shoot his rifle, just cause be damned, Neidermeyer
is the epitome of The NRA gone terribly wrong. With his blowhard
persona, ever present fatigues, and hilarious militaristic jargon,
Neidermeyer gives “shoot first, ask questions later”
the most literal of interpretations and is the consummate gun-loving,
teenage antagonist.
Famous Line: “Is that a pledge pin on
your lapel?”
#08 Bodhi as played by Patrick Swayze in “Point Break”
(1991)
Patrick Swayze’s Bodhi is the bad guy
every dude wishes he could be. With his long sun-washed locks,
tan complexion, surfer-dude adrenaline junky lifestyle, and unquestionable
allure with the ladies, Bodhi is a zen master whose got it all
going on. That he also “works” a mere three months
of the year, robbing banks wearing a Ronald Reagan mask, and then
uses the money traveling the world in search of the season’s
best surf, only makes him that much cooler. Like Agent Smith in
The Matrix, Bodhi is yet another perfect foil to that blank slate
All-American do-gooder Keanu Reeves and one of the silver screens
most charismatic and philosophic evil doers of all-time.
Famous Line: “Fear causes hesitation,
and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.”
And let’s not forget: “If you want the ultimate, you've
got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to
die doing what you love.”
#07 That Blonde Teenage Jerk in All Those
‘80s Movies as played by William Zabka
William Zabka was THE cinematic teenage antagonist
of the 1980s. With his All-American good looks, blonde locks,
vacantly menacing stare, and smug grin, Zabka is without peer
in the world of high school bullydom. His credits, playing more
or less the same evil teenage dude, include Johnny in The Karate
Kid, Chas in Back to School, Greg Tolan in Just One of the Guys,
and least we forget Audrey’s boyfriend, Jack in European
Vacation. And though he wasn’t quite a bully or a villain
in Vacation he did feature in half-naked posters sprinkled all
over Audrey’s walls as they toured Europe. What a stud!
If I ever have a daughter and she ends up dating the high school
bully, I hope he’s Billy Z.
Famous Line: “OK, here’s your
first lesson: how to take a fall!”
#06 Freddy Kreuger as played by Robert
Englund in “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984)
The son of a thousand maniacs is one scary
looking S.O.B. With a burned face, tattered striped sweater, crumpled
hat, and clawed glove featuring long bladed fingernails, the image
of Freddy Kreuger kept me awake many a night as a young child.
This is the Freddy Kreuger before he became a wise-cracking goof;
the original bad boy of your dreams: a cold, calculating menace
who’d much rather slice your throat than deliver a pun-filled
stand-up routine. Though he certainly won legions of fans with
his taunting tom-foolery, it is the more mysterious, urgent villain
who holds my heart, and my fear, the most tightly.
Famous Line: “I’m your boyfriend
now, Nancy!”
#05 HAL9000 as voiced by Douglas Rain
in “2001: A Space Odyssey” (1968)
Sounding like a calm, smooth talking used
car salesman on valium, HAL9000 is a supercomputer who changed
the rules of what a super villain can be. Little more than a series
of glowing red eyes which allow it to view the goings on aboard
the spaceship it controls, HAL is an infallible machine who turns
on his crew when they least expect it. Cunning, deliberate, and
at times even pathetic, HAL9000 is a sneaky monster in the most
frightening way. That voice, that eye, and that all-encompassing
power and megalomania will certainly have you quaking in your
boots and fearing a future where something like HAL may be all
too possible.
Famous Line: “I’m sorry, Dave,
I can’t do that.”
#04 The Wicked Witch of the West as played
by Margaret Hamilton in “The Wizard of Oz” (1939)
Forevermore there will only be one true wicked
witch and that is Margaret Hamilton. Green of skin, pointy of
hat, dressed in black, and mean, mean, mean, MEAN, The Wicked
Witch of the West is the most evil lady in screen history. Though
she would later be re-interpreted as a misunderstood intellectual
in the Broadway musical, Wicked, one look at the original classic,
one cackling word uttered from her purple lips and there is no
doubt: this Wicked Witch is the greatest villainess of all-time.
Famous Line: “I’ll get you, my
pretty, and your little dog, too!”
#03 Darth Vader as voiced by James Earl
Jones, body by David Prowse in “Star Wars” (1977)
The great Darth Vader is the most intimidating
mofo in the galaxy. Part man, part robot, and all badass, Vader
is six foot five, two hundred and fifty pounds of lean, mean,
light saber wielding machine. With a black face mask, a mechanical
chest box with blinking lights and dials, a long black cape, the
scariest voice you’ve ever heard, and an infinite amount
of malice and rage to back up his evil intentions, Vader is the
ultimate in science fiction evil. Like many great villains, his
story was eventually fully revealed in numerous sequels somewhat
tarnishing the evil mystery, but no matter, he is still the ultimate
cyborg baddie and a vision to behold in any age or solar system.
Famous Line: “I have you now!”
#02 Sensai John Kreese as played by Martin
Kove in “The Karate Kid” (1984)
In the DVD documentary on The Karate Kid,
Martin Kove describes precisely why his bad guy karate instructor
is so perfectly evil: “people never say I hate you, they
say I love to hate you.” Sensai Kreese is everything you
love to hate in your screen villain: black clad, furrowed brow,
dimple chinned, antagonistic, arrogant, and hilariously succinct
in his malice, hatred, and utterly absurd obsession with squashing
his enemies. As instructor of The Cobra Kei, a teenage karate
corps of bad boys with bad attitudes and killer kung fu skills,
Kreese is every mother’s worst nightmare and every punk
kid’s closest confidant. Add to that a penchant for the
most hilariously obtuse insults and a megalomania that is as unjustified
as any delusional super-baddie (the guy is just a karate instructor
in the Valley!), and you’ve got John Kreese: the guy everyone
loves to hate.
Famous Line: “No mercy.”
#01 Terry Silver as played by Thomas Ian
Griffith in “The Karate Kid Part III” (1989)
Standing at least six foot three, sporting
a pony tail, wearing a cravat, and working as CEO of a company
whose only bit of business is dumping nuclear waste, Terry Silver
is the ultimate cliché in movie evil. This is a guy who
keeps a variety of houseboys around his mansion who serve as sparring
partners, gophers, and who knows what else. Silver is a petty
tyrant, barking orders at all those around him, commanding his
tiny empire as if he is some sort of southern California maharaja.
His home secretary, a prim and proper elderly woman, is kept in
constant shock by Silver’s total disregard for the law as
he insists on bribing local government officials as he, himself,
smokes cigars while soaking in a hot bubble bath. To go along
with his absurdly evil appearance and utterly preposterous hobbies
(cigars, bubble baths, pony tails, Vietnam, and obsessively ruining
a teenage kid and his Japanese sensai), the lines this man spews
are enough to make a How-To dialogue guide for the ultimate cackling
bad guy. And not only that, this guy literally cackles after numerous
speeches, putting even the great Snidely Whiplash to shame!
Famous Line: “They made you suffer,
so I'm gonna make them suffer... and suffer and suffer and when
I think they've suffered enough, then I start with the pain.”
Notables Who Fell Short of My List:
Hanibal Lechter as played by Anthony
Hopkins in “The Silence of the Lambs” –
A lecher and the epitome of pure evil.
Frank Booth as played by Dennis Hopper
in “Blue Velvet” – Out of his mind
and out of this world, Booth is David Lynch’s master villain.
Orlock as played by Max Schreck in
“Nosferatu” – Just plain creepy. An
all-time classic.
The Predator as played by Kevin Peter
Hall in “Predator” – An awesome latex
monster whose special effects enhancements and perfect sound effects
made him an incredible antithesis to Arnold Schwartznegger’s
oversized tough guy.
Apollo Creed as played by Carl Weathers
in “Rocky” – The conceited, fast talking
pugilist was the perfect foil for the humble, mumbling Rocky Balboa.
Hans Gruber as played by Alan Rickman
in “Die Hard” – The ultimate eurotrash
baddie and the template for all who followed.
The Joker as played by Jack Nicholson
in “Batman” – An over-the-top performance
that stole the show.
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