Sweet November (2001)

March 14, 2010

HBO Broadcast, Seattle, WA

* / ****

By Scott Muoio

A cinematic romance’s biggest liability is having a romantic couple that viewers despise. Sweet November’s sensual pairing, Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron, may work on paper, and it very well might work in another film, but in this particular film the duo play two highly annoying, ingratiatingly stupid, emotionally psychotic, self-centered fools that are as unlikable as they are full of shit. It isn’t the actors’ fault, but it is the situation.

Reeves plays Nelson, a wealthy, advertising hot-shot whose unblemished business conquests and lust for the next deal are so impossibly ridiculous that when a client turns down his pornographic hot dog campaign pitch because it is offensive Reeves tells him to go fuck himself. (No one says ‘no’ to Keanu Reeves!). The scene is so laughable it’s liable to make a viewer snicker as she ponders Keanu as the best and brightest marketer in San Francisco.

Then there’s Charlize Theron as Sarah, an annoyingly quirky, flirtatiously bohemian, self-absorbed free spirit who you just know has all types of emotional problems. But she is hot, and so is Keanu, so after he ruins her driver’s license test at the DMV (don’t even ask!) she makes him drive her wacky ass around town until December 1^st, the next available date when she can take the test.

During the absurd courtship, Charlize dubs Keanu “November,” a reference to her dating policy: 30 days of doing the beast with two backs and then hit the road; or as she puts it, “It’s long enough to be meaningful but short enough to stay out of trouble.” I disagree, on both counts but that’s fodder for another article.

Anyway, 30 Days of Keanu commences as the pair frolic on the beach, chat with the local San Francisco hippies, pal around with a dorky neighbor kid, and prove that even if two people have nothing in common… true love defies all! Or something like that.

But then comes the hiccup…

Charlize is sick and dying! How do we know? Because Keanu discovers her locked cabinet filled with approximately 386 pill bottles.

Then there’s Charlize’s male confidant who, if you’re blind, appears to be her former lover but instead turns out to be a cross-dressing gay Scotsman with a penchant for green sequins. Oh, and he’s also… Keanu’s biggest advertising rival!

While these twists may seem surprising as I write them, to see the movie is to know the secrets well before they happen. But then really, who cares? This is Keanu and Charlize we’re talking about, so take your shirts off and get to it! Even if your characters are jerks, your chemistry minimal, and the plot you stumble through laughable, that’s what we want to see so get on with already!

Uh-hem.

Anyway, Sweet November is a bunch of crap. Fans of chick flicks won’t enjoy it and neither will you.

Director: Pat O’Connor

Producer: Elliott Kastner, Steven Reuther, Deborah Stoff, Erwin Stoff

Writer: Paul Yurick, Kurt Voelker

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron, Jason Isaacs, Greg Germann, Liam Aiken, Lauren Graham, Michael Rosenbaum, Frank Langella

Original Music: Christopher Young

Cinematographer: Edward Lachman

Editor: Anne V. Coates