Marie Antoinette (2006)

August 31, 2009

DVD, Seattle, WA

** / ****

File:Marie-Antoinette poster.jpg

By Scott Muoio

Kirsten Dunst stars as the titular 18^th century Queen of France in the Sophia Coppola written and directed snoozer, Marie Antoinette. Amazing outfits, intriguing locations and sets, and fun post-punk tunes set the stage for a modern interpretation of the historically doomed monarch. Unfortunately, within minutes the film reveals itself as a one-trick pony whose trick is more Halloween costume party than stunning cirque du soleil extravaganza. The result: a heaping dose of eye-candy tedium without a will, a way, or a point.

The plot involves Marie’s plucking from Hungary in order to be joined in wedded conjugation with Louis XVI (Jason Schwartzman), the frigid heir apparent to France’s throne. Little Louis goes hunting to prove his masculinity, Marie gossips, shops, and eats pastel colored twinkies, and no one has intercourse, that is, except Louis XV (Rip Torn), whose mistress (Asia Argento) is hot and creative, if you know what I mean and I think you do. One post-punk scored montage leads to the next, Louis XV kicks the bucket, the young duo mount the throne, and eventually “the people” turn on the neglectful pair in what seems like 3-hours of monotony but is really about an hour and a half of full on tedium. Not good.

For a film that is essentially a one-person character study, that label hardly even fits. From start to finish we learn almost nothing about Marie the person. When a few atrociously scripted and filmed adultery vignettes attempt to break up the monotony we’re still in the dark. The result is a giant mess that turns from meaninglessly boring to meaninglessly boring and foolishly dopey.

Perhaps Coppola’s point, that trivial materialism is Marie’s only solace from a sexist society that believes a woman’s role is merely to birth boys for a demanding husband, is valid but it’s also a cop out. Few people are this one-dimensional, especially cute young Queens with the whole of France at their beck and call, so I’m not buying it. But even if I did, stoic, choppy editing, overdubbed sewing circle whispers, and impressive deep focused cinematography isn’t enough to add substance to this flaccid portrayal.

As a total viewing experience, the movie gets worse the longer it goes. With nothing to say whatsoever, that notion is ever more obvious with each passing minute. By the end, whether the doomed Queen has her head lopped off, eats cake, or dances around to the beats of New Order hardly matters. All that matters is that the film has concluded and we can move on to something better.

Director: Sofia Coppola

Producer: Sofia Coppola, Ross Katz, Francis Ford Coppola

Writer: (Book) Antonia Fraser, (Screenplay) Sofia Coppola

Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jason Schwartzman, Judy Davis, Rip Torn, Rose Byrne, Asia Argento,

Marianne Faithfull, Molly Shannon, Steve Coogan

Original Music: Clint Mansell

Cinematographer: Matthew Libatique