The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990)

On Demand, Seattle, WA

April 27, 2008

This was not the first time I saw this movie and was in fact the very first R-rated movie I ever saw in a theater. I was 12 years old.

** / ****

By Scott Muoio

The first time I saw The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was at The Bricktown Cinema when it debuted in 1990. I was 12 years old and boy was I excited. Starring the most famously vulgar comedian of the time, Andrew “Dice” Clay, it was quite an event for a prepubescent desperate for movies where girls lose their tops and four-letter words rule the day to attend such a premiere. “Borrowing” a parent while waiting in line, I somehow managed not only to sneak into this R-rated curse-fest but miraculously paid the kiddie price in the process. Eureka! With my anticipation building to a maniacal frenzy, I found my seat amongst the creeps, weirdoes, and self-loathers looking for a healthy does of shock, vulgarity, and degeneration. At last, this was the moment I’d been waiting for! Then, after an hour and a half of crass commentary and awkward sexual innuendo, like a helium balloon shriveling from the rafters, I realized the truth of the situation: I’d been had. Ford Fairlane was an alright movie but something was definitely missing. And as the credits rolled I emphatically realized that I was seeing the beginning and the end of Andrew “Dice” Clay’s cinematic career. Just as quickly as The Diceman’s star had risen it was about to fade into the abyss of one-note comics trying their hand at the silver screen. 18 years later, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane and Andrew “Dice” Clay hardly register a blip anywhere on the entertainment radar.

Before I go any further slandering Ford Fairlane’s reputation (if it has any reputation to begin with) I’d like to make a confession: without a doubt, my pre-teen self enjoyed Ford Fairlane immensely on that momentous evening in 1990. And further, viewing the movie again in 2008, the first time I have done so since ’90, I must admit I actually sort of enjoyed it this go ‘round as well. Shocking, perhaps, but not quite enough to deny the critical truth about Ford Fairlane that was as painfully obvious this time as it was 18 years previous: Ford Fairlane is a by-the-numbers Rock N’ Roll detective story with everything you might expect from an end-of-the-‘80s B-movie also-ran, for better and mostly worse. Let us count the clichés: a fading semi-star lead in Andrew “Dice” Clay, a handful of surprisingly hilarious casting choices (Ed O’Neil, Robert Englund, Lauren Holly, Robert Goulet, Priscilla Presley, and Gilbert Gottfried), an uninspired detective plot, a surprising, yet lousy musical performance by the film’s star, and more dated pop-culture references, fashion, and overall style than a Culture Club video. The result: a guilty pleasure cinematic artifact that’s fun to watch for the nostalgia factor even if it is impossible to consider the film anything in the ball park of a truly good movie.

Rather than blather on about the plot of this semi-confusing yet typical Magnum P.I. meets Humphrey Bogart meets Vanilla Ice’s Cool as Ice vanity project, let me instead ramble about the film’s star, The Diceman himself. For those who remember the late ‘80s, Dice was the loud mouthed, chain smoking, race baiting, misogynist blowhard with the penchant for dirty nursery rhymes and personally insulting his audience. With his leather jacket, late ‘50s pompadour and sideburns, and confidently nervous sneer, The Dice Man somehow became the only comedian in history to sell-out Madison Square Garden. And he did it twice. He also managed to earn a lifetime ban from MTV for challenging the censors with a lengthy, unscripted monologue at The MTV Music Awards, dominated the HBO airwaves with a performance I still remember from my youth (though I certainly should have never seen it at the time), and miraculously set the tone as a sort of end-of-the-‘80s demagogue whose machismo-filled antics and verbal bashing of everyone and everything would form the antithesis of the angst-ridden, artistic-minded, flannel age of grunge that would define the 1990s. Like Axl Rose screeching behind an acoustic guitar on One in a Million, Dice was the last bastion of all out verbal diarrhea before the political correctness of Bill Clinton’s era as president changed the rules of accepted verbage forever.

Watching a film such as Ford Fairlane is all about nostalgia. It is amazing that when the filthiest comic in one of the filthiest ages of the millennium finally got a chance to make a movie there wasn’t one breast shown, one ethnic joke slung, or one simp verbally lashed to smithereens. The Dice persona was that of a bully who you sort of admire, sometimes laugh at, often hate, and even more often wonder if the man behind the mouth could possibly be that rude, crude, and hate-filled at all times in his own life. Ford Fairlane isn’t as funny as an Andrew Dice Clay concert because it pulls its punches and shows much more of the real, vulnerable Andrew Clay than the ferocious, no-holds-barred, nervously arrogant bigot he pretends to be in his stand-up routine. That makes the film a bit of a letdown for those in the know yet also a much more watchable film for the uninitiated. Then again, if someone doesn’t know The Diceman I can’t imagine they would ever watch, let alone enjoy a film about a foul-mouthed, Rock N’ Roll detective investigating the cause of death for Motley Crue’s Vince Neil in the first place. And that fact is sort of a shame because like him or hate him, there really is a decent actor, good guy, and funny man behind the hard as nails, up yours persona that made and eventually destroyed Andrew Clay.

Certainly it’s hard to “feel” Dice in all the numerous ways he talks trash no matter which Clay is in the spotlight, but for those moments when he hits the mark with his comic crassness Dice finds his way into the same incongruent comedy club as Sacha Boren Cohen and John Waters. In other words, Clay at his best is offensive, very funny, and more insightful about “something” than his humour will ever get credit for. Keen yet crude observations get to the heart of something real whether we want to admit it or not, it’s just a matter of shedding one’s inhibitions and gag reflex in order to see the light. And that is precisely the reason the works of Clay, Cohen, and Waters elicit the reactions they do and cause so many to deify these entertainment messiahs. Walking the fine line between offensive entertainment and biting satire is a risky and usually disastrous proposition, but when it works it makes for the very best entertainment possible. Fairlane, unfortunately, doesn’t live up to those high expectations because it never takes the risks Clay does in his stand-up routine.

When it comes to viewing The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If it’s the monumental figure of “The Diceman,” the most foul-mouthed and offensive comic of his era that one is looking to revisit, than The Adventures of Ford Fairlane doesn’t live up to the hype. If it’s a watered-down taste of The Andrew Clay leviathan with a heaping dose of ‘80s nostalgia that one seeks, than despite its clumsy yet typical presentation Ford Fairlane will go down smoother than expected as it transports you back to a time and place where the verbal possibilities for insult were nearly endless. Now if only Ford Fairlane seized those possibilities rather than merely hinted at them than maybe it could have been something special after all. As is, it’s merely an average film and an interesting nostalgic artifact.

Director: Reny Harlin

Starring: Andrew “Dice” Clay, Ed O’Neil, Robert Englund, Lauren Holly, Robert Goulet, Priscilla Presley, and Gilbert Gottfried