Waitress

Waitress (2007)

US Air Flight 753, Philadelphia, PA to Seattle, WA

October 08, 2007

* 1/2 / ****

Is this what women really think of men? Or worse, is this really who men are in our American society? Let’s take a look at the gamut of male caricatures thrown our way in the female friendly, Waitress: Earle (Jeremy Sisto), the controlling, demanding, physically and verbally abusive husband who ignores his wife except when he’s interested in the horizontal watusi or slapping her face around. Okie, the obsessed dweeb who falls in love with women after a mere five minutes then hounds them incessantly and cries in public when they thwart him. Cal, the foul-mouthed, obnoxious boss who treats his female employees like dispensable cardboard cutouts with aprons. Joe (Andy Griffith proving once again that the old generation is still tops on the acting front), the elderly and demanding yet observant diner owner who is as aggravating as he is insightful and perverted. Dr. Jim Pomatter (Nathan Fillion), the new married doctor in town who acts nervous yet enjoys eating the main character Jenna’s (Keri Russell) homemade pies (both figuratively and literally) while awkwardly hitting on her, the very first patient who enters his practice. With men this dopey and despicable, Waitress is sure to be a movie women will love, critics will praise, and every man will roll his eyes in disgust at as he feels the immediate need to slip Showgirls: The Unrated Edition into the DVD player and drown his sorrows in gratuitous female nudity.

Waitress is a precious movie, the type that revolves around a newly pregnant diner waitress who hates her abusive husband’s guts, and rightfully so. Her female co-workers are the typical bunch, chitchatting away over one another’s gossip while Jenna uses her homemade pie making genius to analogize every aspect of her life. Trouble with the jerk-off hubby after a promiscuous kiss with Doc? No problem, time to make a rhubarb custard merange flambé and call it “I Need to Break Up with Earl and Runaway with the Doctor Merange.” Get the picture? I did after about 10 minutes and then had to sit there being insulted by the cavalcade of male goons and grotesques all while this serenade of saccharine stupidity lumbered to its predictable finale. Throw in a side-story featuring writer/director Adrienne Shelly’s Dawn, who works with Jenna and is herself unlucky at love and whose story is wholly unnecessary even as comedy relief and you’ve got the perfect romantic comedy Thursday movie for ladies night in. And that’s not even the worst of it.

The saddest aspect of Waitress is that Keri Russell puts in a dynamite performance in the lead roll. She is a fine actress whose excellent performance is completely unworthy of a movie this lousy. Unquestionably rising above the insipidness of this film, Russell proves once again that one day soon she’ll get the big break she deserves and undoubtedly make the most of it with flying colors.

In sum, while the circumstances of Waitress coming to theaters is surely sad and unfortunate (Adrienne Shelly was murdered while working on the film), it doesn’t change my opinion that this movie is little more than an insulting piece of preciously predictable crap. Most movies may treat women as little more than supportive wives or conniving bitches, but that doesn’t excuse this film’s utter imbecility. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to go throw up.