Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo (2005)

Starz Television Broadcast, Somerville, MA

June 03, 2006

0 / ****

Deuce Bigelo: European Gigolo is a horrible movie. From the crappy look of the picture to the lame and endlessly repetitive “homo” and “man-whore” jokes, this is one of the worst pictures of any year. For all intensive purposes there is no plot, no laughs to be had, and absolutely no reason this movie should have ever been made. In fact, I think the only reason it was is so the cast and crew could take a holiday in Amsterdam. I am not joking, but if I were, it would be funnier than anything in this boring piece of garbage.

I liked the original Deuce Bigelow, and although it was for the most part just a bunch of comedy sketches sprinkled around a loose plot about a bumbling fish tank cleaner named Deuce Bigelow (Rob Schneider) who stumbles into male prostitution in the service of many an odd looking and odd desiring lady, it did have some heart and even a little brain. Europen Gigolo, which sort of continues the story with Deuce traveling to Amsterdam for reasons that do not matter, contains only one part of the human body, and it rhymes with gas pole. The funny bits in the first film, such as Deuce rubbing a giantess’s feet with baby oil in super close-up, or his taking a woman suffering turrets syndrome to a baseball game to whip the crowd into a frenzy are gone, replaced by Deuce’s “he-pimp, ” T.J. (Eddie Griffin), getting his private area mauled by an angry feline and Deuce wobbling around in an over-sized diaper. I like slapstick humour, but this is just plain dumb.

I have already wasted 275 words on this movie’s review which is probably more than it deserves, so I think I will stop now and leave you with just seven more: don’t see this movie. Ever.

The End.