Hulk (2003)

Hulk (2003)

June 24, 2004

DVD, Somerville, MA

½ / ****

By Scott Muoio

Ever hear the one about the lab scientist who turns into a raving green maniac after falling victim to a radioactive accident? If so then hold that image because the Hulk’s latest re-imagining is an atrocious perversion of whatever particular tale you’ve already heard.

Ang Lee takes the story of a scientist turned uncontrollable monster and turns it into a boring lab drama. With stone-faced seriousness oozing out of every frame, Lee uses flashbacks to illuminate a defining traumatic incident in the childhood of Bruce Banner (a completely wooden Eric Bana), the man who would become the green freak show when he gets angry. Within the first 10 minutes we learn all there is to know about Bruce, which isn’t much, and then have that same bit of information thrust back in our faces the entire remainder of the film. As we travel through inane dialogue and dorky characters the Banner “mystery” lumbers on for the entire hour and forty minute run time while not a single advance in story illuminates the dreadful “a-ha” moment that is to come. And worse, when the hulk finally appears in the flesh it is for one small scene that fails to generate any excitement. Can you say “let down?” It seems in obsessing over motivation Lee forgot to populate his film with thrills, insight, or anything remotely entertaining.

To narrow Hulk’s problems to one particular is difficult since there are so many shortcomings. The opening credits set the tone for a boring lab drama with numbers and scientific mumbo-jumbo scrolling left and right, up and down, all over the screen. From there, the plot barrels forward with unengaging characters, tepid relationships, and a detached worldview that makes it seem as if the entire tale is taking place in a lab beaker. Then there are the gratuitous action sequences, which thankfully break up the clinical, saccharine genetic talk yet stumble because we have no reason to care about any of what happens. Throw in the aforementioned lousy story for good measure and you’ve got a tanker of a film that sinks faster than The Titanic.

A few questions for those who actually find themselves watching this travesty:

Was Eric Bana educated at the William Shatner School of Line Delivery?

What ever happened to the third lab worker, the guy who Bruce saved?

What the hell was up with Banner’s father’s (played absurdly by Nick Nolte) super powers?

Frankly, I don’t know how this script got the green light in the first place. The only character that carries any weight is Sam Elliott’s military tough guy who makes it his mission in life to chase down and destroy the hulk because, well, I guess he’s a potential menace to society. He is the only character who makes moral choices and seems even the least bit concerned with the choices he makes. Jennifer Connelly’s Betty, Bruce’s lab partner and friend, mugs while she gets teary eyed over her not-quite boyfriend while exuding zero chemistry with her man in the process. With both barely rising above the level of a glass of water, I guess they sort of deserve one another. But then again, that doesn’t mean we, the viewers deserve either one of them.

The Hulk’s only interesting element is the comic book style screen panels that occasionally divide the screen as they might a written comic. The technique is different than anything I’ve previously seen, but the question remains do we really need to see a helicopter landing at three different angles or a SWAT team officer staring robotically from two? From time to time the technique works (freezing on Nolte’s eyes in one panel while he gets hauled away in two others) but on the whole it was as if Lee just learned a new trick and was proud to show it off whenever he could.

I could go on and on about the over the top horrid performances by Nolte or Josh Lucas as Talbot, the greedy “I’ll take it from here” corporate executive, but why bother? This movie just plain stinks. Sure, the President’s lone appearance in fishing waders was hilarious but sadly I don’t think it was supposed to be.

Quite simply, Ang Lee’s Hulk is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It is boring, overly long, has terrible acting, a ridiculous story, silly and distracting camera/editing techniques, and no target audience whatsoever. However, I will admit it does have excellent special effects and perfectly sets up the premise for a sequel. God help us if that scenario ever comes to pass.